Changing of the Seasons

Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope's monthly topic is how the changing of the seasons has effected our grief journey. I've thought on this quite a bit, and might ramble some, but here it goes.

I am thrilled for fall to FINALLY be here! The summer started with the twins being born and dying. Going into the summer (May-ish) we all talked about how hot and miserable I would be throughout. We joked about getting an window unit and closing me into the living room, making me a personal igloo. It was SO much fun joking about it and waiting for it all.

Instead the summer was comfortable instead of unbearably hot for me. I was able to do things with my family that I shouldn't have been able to. And I missed what should have been all the way.

The coming of fall was hard also. Lucas and Caleb should have been born the end of August. I should have been struggling to get them in their double stroller and Ethan unbuckled and Colton into school three mornings a week. And I should have been hearing oohs and ahhs, not "I'm so sorry." I should have been wondering when I would be capable to juggle everyone so I could go to MOPS meetings, not crying hysterically at the first meeting that I was able to help plan and set-up. And when the summer births were announced, their birth announcement shouldn't have been followed by their death announcement.

But, the changing of seasons also brings a new beginning. In a few months we are looking at Operation CA. Right now we are trying to sell our house. And let's not forget the greatness of fall decorations and Halloween decorations! I LOVE this time of year, next to winter, probably because it precedes winter. I know there will be some hard moments, but I honestly believe the worst left with summer. The worst summer of our lives has come and gone, and I truly hope the fall brings much better things for us.

Oh and I updated the picture of the day. I know, I keep getting behind.