Another Missed Milestone

Today Lucas and Caleb would have started Pre-school.  The house right now would be a blur, trying to get the big boys to school, and the little ones ready for their first day.  We'd be making their favorite breakfast, and we'd be taking a crazy amount of pictures.  I know who they would have for teachers, and where their classroom would be.  I am ever so grateful that I don't have to walk down that hallway this year.  It would be tough. 

Oh, how I sometimes wonder what they would look like, their personalities, and the dynamics they would add to our family.  I miss them so much on days like today.

 

 

Today is also August 19th, Day of Hope.  Carly Marie is amazing and so very talented.  Thank you, Carly for another day in honor of our babies gone too soon.

 



First Day of School

Summer has come to an end, and we're settling into routine nicely.  Waking up at 6:00 or 6:30 is going to be a tough one for awhile, but we'll get it.  And we are 3 for 3 on arriving at school on time.

 Here are the three boys on their last summer morning hanging out. Only Ethan is dressed.

 

 

I woke up super early to make them their requested first day of school breakfast, cowboy coffee cake.  Boy, it was early, as in the sun wasn't up yet.  But I was able to spend the time alone praying for the boys and coming to terms with my emotions.  Cause let's be honest, this momma's heart was not ready to let Ethan go.  In some ways, he is still my baby boy.  His "space" amongst the siblings has been complicated.  He was the baby, then we were preparing him for being a big brother, and then he was the baby again, with the extra attention that came with my very shattered heart.  Then along comes Simon, who is the baby of the family now, but Ethan still has a piece of that also.  Complicated, I know.  More about all that another day.

 

Anyway, Ethan woke up by himself.  He came down ready to go.

 Ethan with his backpack on and pajamas. 

 

 

We ate breakfast together, kind of rushing, finished getting ready, and were out the door by 7:20.  We thought we'd all walk together on the first day.  A time to spend together, and prepare for the day ahead.  But first I wanted to take their first day of school pictures.



 I am confident that his sign will still say Train Engineer his senior year.

 

Things were a little confusing this year.  With the additions to the school and such, even veteran parents were trying to figure things out.  We took Colton to class first. I barely got a hug from him.

 My big boy second grader....what has happened to the time??

 

Then we headed around the corner to Ethan's class, who weren't in the classroom yet. 

 This momma had to ask a couple of times for this picture.

 

 Trying to wait patiently. 

 

Ethan was sooo ready for this!  He even asked if he could walk in the school by himself.  He was pumped and ready to go.  We walked into the classroom, he gave his gift to Mrs. Toomey, then went to find his seat.  The. World. Stopped.   He did not, in any way, want to sit next to a girl.  It wasn't Catie.  There was no way he was sitting there.  He chose a seat right next to his chair at the computer. And he started to tear up.  He wanted to come home with me.  And snuggle.  I had to find Daddy for reinforcements on this one.  My heart pulled so much.

 Daddy reassuring Ethan that it'll all work out.

 

After a few minutes, Mrs. Bailey came over to sit with him.  We left and watched from the hall for a few minutes.  The soft sobs turned into a pout.  And I left, heavy hearted.  I worried all day about that boy.  Every time my phone rang, I just knew it was a teacher.  But no one called.

 

I was so excited to head back to pick up the boys.  I watched with all the other parents for them to walk out the door. I was excited and anxious to hear about their first day.

 

And this is how my Ethan greeted me.

 There are absolutely no words to describe the emotions I feel every time I see this picture.

 

 

Their day was great!

End of Summer

This has been a really fun summer.  We've spent very few days just hanging at home.  We've taken some day and weekend trips here and there, and have spent lots of time with friends.  Today is the very last day of summer vacation for the big boys, and it makes me sad.  I have enjoyed them so much this summer.  There have been times when I have been ready for school to start, but I think it's more I am ready for some routine. 

 

We had meet the teacher night last night.  I am grateful I have been involved with PTA in the past years, as I know the teachers all pretty well and all the boys seem to be comfortable in the school.  They've added on over the past two years and it is now a K-8 school.  Ethan has Mrs. Toomey, who is who Colton had.  She is so excited to have him in her class, and he is excited to be there!  It makes it easier on momma, also.  I'm having a hard time with him going to Kindergarten, I'm going to miss him so much.  And Colton has Mrs. Terry.  I don't know her as well yet, but she is very kind and really seems like a lot of fun.  I know her and Colton will get along great.  He is my people pleaser.  But it just doesn't seem like he's already a second grader.  I still remember him being so very little.  Time really does speed along.

 

I thought I would share some pictures from the summer today.  We didn't take tons, but more enjoyed the moments this year.  And there were many of them.  Having three running around my house sure livens things up!!

 

So here are a TON of picture, hang in there and enjoy.

 

 

 

 

 The boys gated off their toys from Simon.  This worked for one day.  The playroom is now Simon proof and the big boys have their toys with small pieces in their bedroom.

 

 Ethan told his daddy he wasn't tired.  I took this 10 minutes later. 

 

 We took the boys to 1984.  They had a blast, and so did mommy.

 

 Pretty sure Ethan played this game for half an hour.

 

 Look how big Simon is!!!

 

 In a smaller version, this looked like Colton.  I truly LOVE this picture!

(It is the first time I've ever seen much of a resemblance between E and C)

 

 Colton really believes he is 12 or so.  And loves to climb on top of every piece of playground equipment.

 

 Simon finding his way to the slide.

 

 Heart attack for grandma!  This has to be another of my favorites!  You can see Willy's shirt in the lower left corner.

 

 Our niece, Emily, came to spend the week with us.  We had a blast all week, and my house was even more full of life!  I enjoyed having a girl in the house. 

 

 Bounce house fun.

 Emily's first trip to a bounce place.  She thought it was the greatest thing in the world!

 

 Her and Snicker's were the best of friends.

 

 Simon has discovered toilet paper.  A couple of times now.  This was taken the first time.  Kid looks guilty.

 

Simon is loving every toy that rolls or has wheels now.  He spins in circles as he makes it go around him.

 

 My Three Amazing Boys!!!!!

 

 



 We take a family picture every year at the Fourth of July parade.

 

 Colton and Ethan hanging with the big boys.  Wow,  how they have grown!

 

 Colton climbing a pole. 

 

 Some of the crowd for the celebration.  We had so much fun.  And many of the scenes reminded me of the scene from The Sandlot.

 

 Love this grin!

 

 He crawled outside and thought he was pretty cool!

 

 His first time in the sand.  Wasn't too sure about it.

 

 These two are forever best friends.

 

Playing in the creek at the park.

 

 Water balloon fight with Daddy.

 

 

 

We have taken several trips to Silver Dollar City and a couple to White Water.  We don't even bring the camera half the time.  We've been to the park a ton, though the past couple of weeks, it has rained too much to go.  The boys have spent lots of time outside riding their bikes and swimming in the pool. 

 

I am sad to see summer go, and know I am going to miss the big boys so very much.  But the quiet will be nice at times, also.  It's just hard to believe that I will have two in school all day this year.  And it makes me so grateful for Simon.  He keeps me busy now that he is almost walking and exploring everything.

 



There is Still Pain.

I'm writing this in two parts.  Before and After.  A way to see what I expect and reality of what happens.

 

Today I am closing another chapter in grief.  It's been almost three years since I took down Lucas and Caleb's room and packed it away.  I remember everything just being thrown in their room before I came home from the hospital and a black sheet being hung in the doorway as a wall to block me from seeing it.  I remember the first time I peeked in there, and I remember so vividly packing away everything in there.  Each pair of outfits, each pair of pair of shoes, each pair of hats.

 

Today I am giving away to a close friend the items I didn't put in their keep tote.  The big items that we bought and have stored for three years and the matching outfits for them.  I have had the intention for the past three years to sell them one day, then to donate them.  But I never went all the way through it. 

 

But it is time to let go, and I know these items are meant for this new growing family.  I have known for years (wow crazy) that one day someone close to me would be expecting twin baby boys.  Deep, deep down in my heart, the feeling was there.  The time is here, and I am as ready as I can ever be.

 

To be honest this hurts.  It's not a pain I can label, but the tears are falling.  This is a huge step that I've known I would one day have to make.  I feel it is a necessary step in order to continue moving forward on this journey.  I know the items bought for Lucas and Caleb were bought out of love for those two little boys, and that the two little boys that will use them will be loved just as much. 

 

I am nervous about conversation with C and L (just realized the initials of the couple everything is going to).  I have no idea how I will feel, but I am sure they will be gracious.  They know my heart is tender right now and that this is hard for me….harder than I anticipated.  But I will let things flow as they will, and let it all be.

                  ***************************************************************

 

I've done it! And I feel good.  It wasn't too awkward and there were no tears during the visit.  I am glad it's over, and glad the things that were theirs will now be used instead of collecting dust. 

 

Conversation wasn't forced, and was kept pretty light.  We talked about being pregnant in the summer and how much hotter it is.  L was really excited when we were looking through some of the outfits and they both expressed how grateful they are to be given this stuff. 

 

I feel lighter now.  And I feel happy in a way.  It's hard to explain, but I really do.  I am glad I walked through this, and didn’t run away as I was tempted to.  I am glad I let myself feel what I needed to, and am now able to smile.  And I know that I have healed a little more.

 

Simon Months 6-9

I'm not so bad at getting Simon's monthly pictures taken, but I just can't get them all on here for updates.  Our summer has been incredibly busy around here.  There have been very few days when we have been home all day.  I can probably count them on one hand.  So, finally, here are months 6-9.  All three boys are down napping, and I am determined to get this done.

 



 

Simon has grown so much this summer!  He has gone from rolling over once in a while to a full out crawl, almost bear crawl.  When he gets off the blanket outside, he gets off those knees really quick.  He hates the grass.  When you sit him in it, he picks up both legs and attempts to balance on just his bum.  So cute! 

 

Simon has just recently moved to two nursing sessions a day.  When he wakes up in the morning and before bed at night.  I am still missing the afternoon feeding, but he was ready, and it was becoming a battle most days to keep him still. He has four teeth in now, with two more on the way.  He eats with us for all three meals during the day and often eats what we are eating.  He prefers to feed himself, and is recently wanting to have his own plate with food on it.

 

Simon is loud.  I know in his mind he feels he has to be heard over the big boys, but wow!!  He also thinks screeching is whistling.  Willy will whistle at him, and Simon will screech back.  Geez, that boy has a set of lungs.  He is also beginning to fully let us know when he wants something.  I'm getting out the baby sign language stuff today.  Hopefully it helps.

 

He is also incredibly stubborn.  He loves to explore and has a hard time knowing that we mean business when we tell him no.  It often takes 5 or 6 times telling him no, a couple hand slaps, and moving him away before he'll move on to something else.  The big boys learned pretty quick.  And I know Simon gets it, he just thinks he can stick it out longer than Willy and I.  Poor kiddo has no idea.

 

He plays well by himself at times, and others he can't be alone.  Now that his nursery has been moved and is closed in, I can leave him in there to play while I switch over laundry and such.  Most of the time he is happy in there, but sometimes he stands at the gate and cries til I come back for him.  With two more teeth coming in,  he's spending more time in my lap and arms than usual.  But I really enjoy the time with him.  I know it won't be much longer until he is always up and on the go.

 

Colton and Ethan play with him quite a bit.  He loves them so much!!  And he loves their toys.  We've created different barriers with the baby cage gates so they can play without him tearing up their stuff.  They've recently nicknamed him "Babyzilla."  It's pretty accurate.  His favorite game is to knock over a stack of blocks.  He will crawl across the room to knock them down and crack up laughing afterwards.

 

He are the pictures from the last four sets.  It's neat to see how much he has changed.

 

 



 Loving on his owl.  He really interacted with it this month (6)

 
 
 

 The smile we see most often.  He lights up a room with it.  And notice the wet line down the sticker?  Most of them are like that now.

 

 I think he really looks like Willy here.

 

 

SIX month collage

 

 You're back!

 

What a grin!

 

 

 Two boys and Willy were standing behind me trying to get him to laugh.

 
 

SEVEN month collage

 

Check out the pearly whites.  This is his goober grin.

 

 

He thought he would take a dive off the chair.  Didn't happen.

 

EIGHT month collage.  I really love this one.

 

He just wasn't having the pictures this month.  But boy he has sure changed since last month.

 

 

Finally a smile here.  Almost.  He just looks so big!

 

And here is the NINE month collage.  I can't believe there are only three more left.