Day With Ethan

Last Friday was Ethan and mine's day out.  The library here was having a special afternoon at a train museum in town.  Ethan lives for trains.  His world revolves around trains.  This museum is actually a retired train with an engine, revamped cargo car, double decker passenger car, and a caboose.  They have so much in there, we could have spent all afternoon.  

 

 

Ethan goes almost as much as Simon, but when it comes to trains, we can sit and talk all day.  He wanted to know what every piece of memorabilia was.

He loved this engine!

I can't wait to show him this picture 20 years from now when he is driving his train.

This is probably his happiest place on earth.

We went through the train once, did a craft, and went through a second time.  There were things he missed the first time that he was excited to see the second time.  I really enjoyed spending the time with him and sharing his passion.  He's growing up fast, and does well as the "middle child".  Though I guess that will be changing in 22 or so weeks.   He is so full of passion and spunk.  And he's learning where he fits in in the world.  But he knows how he feels about things, and there is nothing or no one that can change his mind. I love that about him, and I can't wait to see how far it gets him.

 



We hit up El Charro for lunch afterwards. He is my Mexican food buddy.  We could probably both eat here every day.

 

I'm not sure what I'll plan next with the big boys, but I love spending the time with them individually.  This time is short, and passing far too quickly at times.  Summer is cut short this year, and I am wanting to make sure we make lots of memories.  

Night Out With Colton

A few weeks ago, before school ended, Colton asked if we could have a night out together.  Just him and I.  We spend the ride to across town to gymnastics and back the two of us each week, which is always full of enlightening conversation, but he wanted an entire evening.  Dinner and activity.  I was immediately game for it.  I told him once school let out we would set a date and go.

Last Thursday was our night out.  All day he watched the clock waiting for 5:30 arrive, knowing that was when we would be able to head out. I let the big boys go swimming in the afternoon.  When they came in, Colton came down from their room dressed in a nice button down shirt and nice shorts.  He grinned at me and told me that he wanted to look nice for me for the evening.  Love that boy!

I love eight.  I am so enjoying the time with him.  We have these amazing conversations where he asks true questions and we work together to find the answer if I don't know it.  He wants details, but not just with a "Why", but is very specific.  He is turning into a little man now.  I enjoy hanging out with him, and I know that we both leave the moment better.

We had dinner at Cheddar's.  He chose to eat on the patio, since the weather was perfect for it.  We don't often take the boys out to eat anymore to restaurants.  Between Simon's allergies and the cost to feed FIVE, I'd just much rather cook and eat at home.  We had plenty of time to talk.  Most of the conversation revolved around the ants crawling up and down the brick pillar next to the table.  Did you know that ants take around 250, one minute naps a day?  I didn't either.  We talked some about school and moving to a new home and school next year. 

My handsome first born.  He loves the thumbs up thing. I just really love this kid!

 

Afterwards we headed out to play some miniature golf.  There's a place here in town where it's $3.75 total for him and I to play!  We haven't played together in almost four years or so.  Just never make the time.  

It looks like he missed the ball, but he had just hit it.

Just before his Hole-In-One.

 

We had a great time talking and hanging out.  He had so much fun, even when it took five or so shots for the ball to find the hole.  We laughed a ton.  And the only time I used my phone was to take pictures. 

 

We then headed to Sonic for shakes for the family, minus Simon who was in bed.  The evening was perfect.  I really hope to do something like this with each of the big boys once a month.  They are both at such a fun age, and with school out I really want to reconnect with the both of them, separately.  This Friday Ethan and I are headed to the train museum and Mexican food for lunch.  

Summer Fun

Summer vacation started last week.  We've had so much fun already! I am really enjoying have the big boys home and not having to watch the clock all evening to make sure they are in bed on time to get up at 6:30am.  We've had a lot of spontaneous fun, but also some just hanging around the house together time.  I am so excited to see what the rest of this summer will be bringing!

Last Thursday we headed to Silver Dollar City.  It started raining when we were about 25 feet from the van.  But umbrellas and covered wagon kept us mainly dry.  We had to ride the train first for Simon and Ethan.  Then we hit up some more of their favorites and spent quite a bit of time in the kid area with the ball pits and splash pads.  This was the first time Simon has played on the splash pads.  The kid had a BLAST!!!! He just ran and laughed.

 

Simon loves any kid his size. 

 

 

 

On Friday we headed to the library to pick up the summer reading cards.  This opportunity rocks!  The kids read four hour, do four activities, then they earn cards towards free activities around town.  Then there are more incentives to read on the card also.  Ethan loves the Library Station because there is a train engine they can play in.  

I caught this picture of Colton reading to the kids inside the train.  Love this!!

 

 

We've also hit up a Time Warp Tuesday at The Palace.  $17 for four movie tickets, large popcorn, and large drink.  What a deal!!  We saw the Lego Movie.  The boys were so excited to see it.  And Simon did pretty well. He's in that in between stage where two hours is just too long to not be running around.  But he sat til about 10 minutes from the end.

 

 

I popped Simon some popcorn in the air popper before we left so he could also have some.  Lots of popcorn kept him entertained through most of the movie.

 



Quick Turkey update: I am feeling pretty good most of the time.  I feel *pops* a few times everyday.  There are definitely some differences this pregnancy.  Such as I can't prepare and eat chicken.  The thought makes my stomach churn.  Weird.  I am also a lot less anxious this time.  I know so much plays into this.  But I am grateful for it.  I am looking forward to finding out boy or girl in three weeks. 
 
Well, I have to get moving and chasing some boys around.  I can't wait to share more of our fun!

Four Years

Happy Birthday to my sweet twin boys, Lucas and Caleb.  I can't believe it's been four years since they were born.  Although I would give anything to celebrate their birthday with them here, we still had a great day celebrating them as a family. 

I woke up this morning to see their lilies had bloomed.  These lilies bloomed for the first time when I was in the hospital with Lucas and Caleb.  Willy had come home to shower and pack up some more clothes.  He saw they had bloomed and took a picture for me.  Here is the picture from today.

I love how only two bloomed today.  They were saying hello.

 

 Our afternoon was spent at a lake.  We had a picnic, attempted fishing, and the boys ended up swimming some.  The wind was crazy, the clouds rolled in and out.  We saw several dragonflies throughout our time there.  Each one just warms my heart.  Colton was really excited about seeing dragonflies on Lucas and Caleb's birthday.

 

Here are some pictures from the day.

 

 

Simon threw rocks the entire time.  The boy entertains himself well.

My bookworm

A few sprinkles fell...

15 minutes later.  Only in Missouri

Simon fishing with daddy

 

 

And a belly shot.  16 weeks tomorrow.

 

 

Thank you everyone who remembered the boys today.  Your love for my family means so very much!  



This Day

This day is always harder than tomorrow.  It's the day when my world came crashing to a screeching halt, four years ago.  I wish I could run away from this day.  I wish I could skip to tomorrow when I know I'll feel better.  I feel physically ill right now.  For the second time this morning, I am close to vomiting.  I guess the past couple of weeks are catching up to me.

But I know that I must walk through this day to get to tomorrow.  I must embrace all the hurt and pain today to feel the peace of tomorrow and the next day.  I'm not sure why their birthday is so very peaceful for me, but I am grateful for that. And June 2nd, when Caleb died, is always more peaceful than the 1st. 

Yesterday my sister called to let me know two dragonflies followed her throughout the morning while she mowed the lawn.  I saw a double rainbow yesterday evening after a bout of rain.  They are always right here with me.  And yet they are so far away.  Days like today I can remember how it felt to hold them both in my arms.  So tiny, but so perfect.

I am so grateful for the love and support of my friends and family. I am grateful for a husband that checks on me and gives me more grace than I probably deserve. And I am ever so grateful for the three boys that call me mom and want to snuggle on the couch.  And for this little one growing inside, who reminds me there is always hope.

I am planning having this printed on a canvas for the new house.  I love this picture, and it just truly says so much.

Not So Loud This Year

I'm doing surprisingly well this week. Grief is a little quieter.  I know it could change in 15 minutes, but I've been feeling better than expected all week.  The holiday weekend brought fun and no tears (minus the hormonal breakdown surrounding house stuff).  After the way May began I really expected to be a basket case by now. I am embracing the great moments and happy days.  Maybe this year will be easier.  I am still waiting for Saturday to come and for me to feel broken. But maybe it'll be a little more gentle this year.

I've had a few flashbacks this week, but nothing like it's been in the past.  Tomorrow marks four years since my water broke. I know I'll glance at the clock for the next several days, remembering what was going on at different times.  It's how it is, my reality now.  Five days of remembering uncertainty, hope, grief, and more love than one can ever imagine.  Four years out I can pull positive feelings out of it all.  God has shown and given me so much grace through all this.  And this year I am really trying to focus more on the amazing gifts Lucas and Caleb left me.

We have a wonderful, but quiet, family day planned for Sunday.  I am looking forward to spending time with Willy and the boys.  We're going to fish, eat, play, and swim in a quiet area of an area lake.  It's going to be a time of celebrating family togetherness, and Lucas and Caleb.  This time of year the dragonflies are flying about, hovering over the water.  What better place to celebrate Lucas and Caleb's lives than by a lake where the dragonflies will join us.

I know that with the house stuff, being 15 weeks pregnant (YAY), and the boys beginning summer vacation today has helped me through the beginning of this week.  We are so busy, trying to wrap up stuff, keep the house clean, and chasing Simon.  That boy ran around the house for over 30 minutes last night.  I love the enjoyed chaos of our life.  There are still times when I can sense the hole that is in our family.  But the sting isn't always as intense any longer.  Most times it's a thought that comes and goes with a short stab.  Once in awhile I have to time to let it really soak in.  Willy and I will talk about it, and Lucas and Caleb, some.  We appreciate the moment together.  Then some boy comes running through yelling like a crazed monkey and body slams another boy or Willy. 

Speaking of crazed monkeys, the youngest has woke up.

The oldest two boys watching tv together.  I truly hope they always love each other like this.

 

What's Been Going On

 So, we've moved the computer to the new office upstairs. Willy is working at the desk, so I'm going to try and write this post in my Kindle. Please forgive any mistakes, as I sometimes don't catch them on here.

14 weeks pregnant this week. Wow, second trimester is being kind to me. What a difference a week can make. I feel like I'm feeling getting back on top of the house, calendar, and the natives running around the house. My appetite had come back times four, and I'm beginning to desire to eat better than I have in months. We juiced this morning and I had two eggs with a piece of toast. Feels like a great start to my day. I had an amazing salad yesterday and kabobs for dinner.

I had an appointment Monday. I love seeing W and Dr L. And to see them in a Monday just stays my week of right. I'm really going to be sad when our visits are down to once a year. Anyway, Turkey's heartbeat was at 159. And really no complaints. Dr L confirmed that I'll be attempting a second VBAC. And I'll be back in four weeks.  I feel pretty good for the most part right now. Cravings are mainly for fruit and veggies, and Mexican food. I have absolutely no desire for ice cream, which is a new one for me. Sweets in general tend to turn my stomach a little.

Emotionally I'm doing pretty good. Today. The day before Mother's Day was rough, as it is every year. And yet I'm still surprised when it hits so hard. Lucas and Caleb are so close to the surface of my heart right now, it doesn't take much for things to begin to crumble. But most the time right now, I'm feeling happy. I've had some flashbacks, and the what-ifs pop in here and there. I'm pretty sure that's something that will always stick around. I've finally decided what I want to do for their birthday. That makes me feel better also. I'm actually looking forward to the day some and the memories we'll make.

Nothing really new with the house selling. THey're waiting on a possible offer, but that's really all we have going on. The couple seems to be wanting to take their time some. But at least there is interest. We moved bedrooms around this weekend, making them larger. It's it's downstairs now. It's taking some adjusting, but it'll work. We'll be able to update the pictures soon, so hopefully it'll bring more interest.  The house in Rogersville is still ours. The contract expires June 3rd. We're hoping that if we don't have a contract by then, that'll they'll renew it.

That's really about it. School is it for summer next Wednesday. I'm looking forward to the fun we're going to have while the boys are home. And Simon will love having them here all day every day.

13 weeks taken last week.