6 Month Letter

Dear Lucas and Caleb,

I can't believe SIX months have passes since I last held you in my arms. At times it felt like the clock never moved and others the time passed so fast my head seemed to spin. But sitting here today, it seems to have gone by pretty quickly. Six months is a long time, really. But I try to look at it positively. I've survived life without you here in my arms for six months. And I have LIVED. Truly lived.

I was emailing Jacob's and Sawyer's mommies on Tuesday night sending them my warm thoughts and love before heading to bed and shared my motto for your special day.
EAT.PRAY.LOVE
Eat tons and tons of chocolate
Pray to you in Heaven
and send you all the Love I have for you throughout the day.

I wore your pin yesterday and touched it often. Every time I touched it I sent you my love and smiled. The two of you have touched so many lives, and although I would rather have you here in my arms, I am grateful to have been able to turn the tragedy of losing you into so many wonderful things. Thank you, babies.

I wanted to have a fun day with your brothers yesterday. I know you wouldn't have wanted me to mope around. And if there is one thing about grief that I can count on is that the build-up to milestones is always alot harder than the actual day. Yesterday was good. I woke to many warm wishes from the friends in my life. (Thank you, all of you)

Colton, Ethan, and I decided to make paper snowflakes for the house after spending the morning cuddled under blankets watching Blues Clues on Netflix. Snow reminds me of you and it would really be a fun way to spend the morning. Nothing like pieces of paper and glitter to bring out the smiles. And it was really Ethan's first time using scissors. He is my lefty.

Colton begged and begged to let me let him to put the glitter on his snowflakes. I finally caved. And check out what Ethan is up to behind him.

Oh, that boy is tons of fun!

Here is the finished product. Of course, I forgot that stick glue doesn't hold glitter well, so now there are piles of glitter behind the tv.

Yesterday evening was Life Fellowships annual Ladies Christmas Tea. It was this event last year that brought me to this amazing church. And for the event to be held on your 6 month birthday, well pretty sure it was where I needed to be. I was surrounded by women who love and care for me, and I felt close to the two of you.

So, here's the EATing part of my day. And I went back for seconds and half a thirds. The food was great, the fellowship was wonderful. I am so happy that I was able to make it. I honestly don't know where I would be without my Life Fellowship family.

We also made corn bags.

And the church bought me some flowers. They are beautiful and I am thankful. (Kristan, does the angle work for you?)

All in all, the day was really great. I thought about you often. And I miss you all the time. But I know that you are well in Heaven and watching down on us.

With all my heart,

Mommy