Dreams

Now that I am finally free from the re-enaction dreams of all the events surrounding the twins' birth and loss, I am actually dreaming. Those dreams of the twins' were hard to have. I would play over and over everything that happened and would try to change something so that I would wake up and the outcome of all of it would be changed. No such luck, ever. I reached a point where I would wake up and continue thinking about it all. It was so unfair that I couldn't even escape all this in my sleep.

Well, I am back to having dreams, not quite normal, but I guess my new normal. Some have been very vivid, others a little daunting, and some quite frightening. Last week I woke up in middle of the night from a pretty crazy dream. I decided to write it down. Then I couldn't sleep so I decided to interpret it online. Some pretty awesom insights came to light! Even though I'm not directly dreams about Lucas and Caleb, this journey is still represented in so tons of ways through my dreams. Which makes sense, beings it is permenantly stamped on my subconscious.

So I've decided to keep a dream journal. On those nights when I wake up remembering specific details and storylines of dreams, I am writing it all down. Then in the morning I dissect it, look it up, and figure out what in this crazy world my subconscious is trying to make me see. And it works! I mean there are a few things I have been bouncing around on and the logical answer is right there in my dreams.

Of course there are some that are pretty "Well, duh." But others are really helping me out. The best from last night was in part of my dream I was lost in a dark area and it interpretted to be, "still adjusting to new situation where rules and conditions are ever changing." Well, that pretty much sums my life these days. I think many of you BLM's can agree that this road is always changing, how we feel is always changing, and a rule that might apply today has no bearing what-so-ever tomorrow.

I encourage my BLM friends to try this just one time. I honestly think it could be worthwhile and maybe a little fun. Then if you want, share pieces of it that fit together for you.

And I plan on updating 365 on Monday or Tuesday. I know I am way behind, but things are a little chaotic right now and I am feeling a little overwhelmed in some areas.