Some Freedom

I love fall! And I love to play in the leaves. The sound of them crunching under my feet and the smell of fresh fallen leaves always brings a smile to my face. I find it interesting that my children haven't enjoyed the leaves until passing a certain age. Right around 2 and a half. Before then, they have screamed and wanted out of there. But now it's all fun and games.

And the great thing about playing in the leaves this weekend is the freedom I felt. We all played together like we used to. Grandma and Grandpa got in on the fun even. And I felt free. Free from the weight of the grief, free from worry, and free from the what-ifs and the should of beens. If wasn't until the next day when I loaded the pictures up that I thought about how if things would have gone as planned, we would have had pictures of Lucas and Caleb crying in the leaves just as we do with Colton and Ethan. And instead of guilt, I felt relief. Relief that I can truly enjoy life moments like this.

Colton getting the pile big enough to play in

Grandpa wanting in on the action. He is always up for getting me.

Trying to get the leaves out of my mouth. It isn't possible to laugh and keep your mouth closed.

Getting Ethan as he goes down the slide.

Grandma handed Colton the bucket so he could fill it and dump it on me. Plan backfired. hehe

I love how Colton is holding his nose.

Poor Colton had leaves EVERYWHERE!

And I love how in every picture I am smiling and laughing! A true genuine smile. I think I have found my new normal and it's pretty close to my old one. I am so grateful to be where I am on this journey. It's a good place. And a big thank you to Willy for taking pictures.