Friday, September 12, 2014

First Day Jitters

The first MOPS meeting of the year was this morning. I love MOPS. I've been a part of the same group off and on for six years now. These women are amazing, and I've made some of my greatest friends through this group. I met my phenomenal friend Kristan, who introduced me to Life Fellowship,  through MOPS. And these women helped pull me through some of the darkest moments of grief. They were at the hospital, with food for my entire family and prayers for us when Caleb was fighting for his life. They brought meal to us and were at Lucas and Caleb's service.  God placed these women in my life, and I am forever grateful. Even though some of my friends that were part of MOPS the first couple of years have graduated, I still hold them so very close to my heart.

All that being said, I always feel anxious that first meeting. There are always new moms there. And there are always get to know each other games and conversations. These are women I don't know, but will get to know better. And how do you introduce yourself and the number of kids without making them feel awkward?  I go over in my head for a few weeks beforehand trying to figure out what I'll say every.single.year.  And I always show up clueless about what I'm going to say.

This year has been no different. I figure the right words will come to me as they are needed. We started with a bingo game this year. The first box was to find a mom who has twins. My first thought was, "Crap." Then I chose to shrug it off and concentrate on the other squares. I was so proud of myself for not dwelling on it like I would have in the past. It didn't even really sting much. Just kind of tapped on my heart, I guess.

Then we were handed our name tags at the table. The hospitality team made them for us. Here is mine.
There are six hearts.  One for each of my children.  To have someone so kind as to include Lucas and Caleb , well there were tears.  My heart swelled with love.  And it made it easier to answer questions, such as, "How many kids do you have?" Though I didn't mention today that two of them aren't home with me, I never felt the lump in my throat.  No one really asked how many, they saw the hearts and asked if Benjamin is number six or seven.  Thank you, Stephanie and Sara for your amazing kindness and thoughtfulness. 
I left today feeling loved.  Not confused, frustrated, or guilty because I didn't answer the way I felt I should, or my answers made someone feel awkward.  

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