Showing posts with label birthday. Show all posts
Showing posts with label birthday. Show all posts

Thursday, June 1, 2017

Seven Years

Happy Seventh Birthday, my dear sweet boys!  Oh how I wish we were celebrating this morning with balloons down the hall, the birthday banner we always hang, and two special birthday cakes just for you.  Instead we'll make cupcakes as a family and we're going to buy two little seven  year old boys in foster care special gifts.  I love the idea, I love that because of the two of you that two little boys who need some extra love are going to feel it. But it doesn't take away the pain of your not being here. Love you sweet boys! 

This is the first year I have cried on Lucas and Caleb's birthday.  Honestly, it has always been a day where we smiled, celebrated their short lives, and enjoyed time together.  I am sure we'll make it to that this afternoon.  But this year has been incredibly hard.  The grief has been intense, the bouts of crying ugly.  I have had so many flashbacks, and I have once again found myself dealing with guilt.

I know it is probably a combination of things that is making it so hard, or maybe it really isn't. Maybe it has something to do with the ages of Simon and Benjamin this year.  I missed out on so much during this season with Colton and Ethan. Maybe it is just how grief is.  It is ugly, it is frustrating, and it is it's own beast. I have been surprised this year by how much pain I have felt leading up to this day.  This is the most I have cried and grieved since their first birthday.  

I am grateful for the love and support those in my life show me this time of year.  That even seven years later, when I am in the church bathroom crying, they are still loving and encouraging.  They are praying with me and for me.  They give me the, "This sucks, I love you." glance.  I hope that all moms who are missing their babies are surrounded by the same.  Because I know I couldn't walk this alone.  I have learned that I don't have this, that grief can still pack a punch, and keep on punching.

A while back I made this blog private since I wasn't writing anymore.  Life became busy, I wasn't really needing or using this space as I once did.  But I'm going to open it back up for awhile.  Maybe I'll write some more here, or maybe there is someone out there who is searching for a similar story to hers. 




Thursday, January 8, 2015

The One With All the Pictures

I've been putting off writing for a few weeks now.  There are so many things I want to share, so many pictures.  But catching up with different posts seems overwhelming with everything I am trying to catch up with here at the house.  I have some time right now. Benjamin is napping, the other three boys are playing upstairs, and dinner is in the crockpot.  So here is a ton of pictures I've wanted to share for some time now, and a few words here and there about them.

Also, Christmas was crazy with the family, minus short stack, catching the flu.  We all had varying degrees of it, but Ethan and Simon were hit incredibly hard.  It put our usual holiday festivities on hold for a while, but we were able to squeeze in the important stuff the week of Christmas.

About 35 weeks pregnant

We take fun fall pictures every year in front of Willy's parent's house.  She always does a great job with the pictures and it's so much fun to play in the leaves with the boys.








Colton loves gymnastics!  And is begging to go back soon.

Ethan has played to sessions of soccer, and is beginning club soccer this weekend.  He forgot his socks in this picture.  Better than the weekend before when he had two right shoes.


Oh my, this smile

A minute later, Benjamin started crying and Ethan then started to cry saying Benjamin hated him.

Super proud of how this cake looked!

Ethan turning SEVEN



Colton and I had a shopping day right before Christmas.  It was a ton of fun hanging out with him.



I was nervous handing lil one over, but Santa was certain.


Simon bounced between wanting to cry and being in awe.


My four boys in front of the tree. Christmas was a little tougher this year than last. It was Christmas number five without Lucas and Caleb.  Being busy and up with Benjamin helped some.  There will always be a hole there where they should be, though the edges aren't nearly as sharp as that first year.  




Benjamin meeting Grandma Jojo

And proud Aunt Shari


My crazy boy with his hat and animals.  This is the picture most days during lunch.

I took the four boys to Jump Mania on New Years Eve to get out of the house and run off some energy.  It was a fun, smooth trip.

Game night with the big boys.


Dairy free and soy free cake frosting!  

Hot cocoa and cookies after school.  The boys were excited!!

Thanks for checking in over here.  Until next time....

Monday, October 6, 2014

34 Weeks and Catching Up

 
We've reached 34 weeks today!  Super crazy to think we are so close to meeting our newest lil boy.  Benjamin is by far the most active baby I've carried.  He moves for long periods of time, several times throughout the day and night. Yes, throughout the night.  I often lay awake, enjoying his acrobats for an hour so during the night.
 
I'm feeling pretty good most days.  It's usually not until the evening that the heartburn and soreness kicks in.  I'm tired much of the time. And with everything we have going on around here, my mind is mostly mush.  I really still enjoy being pregnant, but they are right when they say that each subsequent pregnancy is harder on your body, not mention it gets tougher as you get older.
 
We are making progress on Benjamin's room.  His name panels are almost finished.  We've put some stuff on the walls.  I haven't washed his clothes yet, but they are hanging in his closet.  I really need to sit down and make a few lists of things to pack for him and I.  I keep thinking about sitting down to do it, but then I get distracted. Hmmm...
 
Oh, and we took a trip to Labor and Delivery three weeks ago.  As I mentioned Benjamin likes to move a bunch.  Well, when he gets to moving for a couple hours at a time, I start to contract.  They are still Braxton Hicks contractions, but they get to be 3 minutes apart for several hours.  After a couple days of this off and on, we decided it was best to have all checked out.  Four hours in L&D, and it was decided he was going nowhere anytime soon. It doesn't happen as often now, but still every couple of days he gets a little crazy in there.
 

Here is a 34 week belly picture.  He's growing well in there, and is head down!

 
 
I say we've been busy.  We really have.  We are currently attempting the process of selling our house to an investor, who happens to own the house we want to buy.  There's a great lack of communication right now, so we're really just sitting around waiting for him to answer his phone.  But that is the plan.  And the hope is that we can move before Benjamin arrives. 
 
And Simon has decided he's ready to potty train.  I've never hidden the fact that I detest potty training, because I seriously do.  He seems to be really getting the hang of it, though.  This is not the time I would have chosen, but he was really having issues with dirty and wet diapers. 
 
Here are a bunch of fun pictures taken over the last month or so.  I thought this would be a quick way to catch up.
We hit up the corn maze yesterday.  This was Simon's first trip.  And it started with a two year old meltdown when he decided to run and hide in the corn.  After ten minutes or so of being taken out of the maze, we were able to enjoy it together.





Saturday evening we decided to head to a local park here to let the boys do some hiking.  Last time we were there, they wanted to, but Willy wasn't with us so they had to wait.


After hiking they had a bat flight viewing at the cave below these rocks.  This was so much fun.  The boys really had a great time watching all the bats. 

Piper is doing well here.  She's getting bigger, and still prefers me.  Most days I am very much in love with her.  Then there are days like today when she just has a hard time staying out of trouble.  But who couldn't love a cat this adorable?

Last week Ethan had a Clifford party at school. It was so much fun to spend an hour with just him in his classroom.

Aunt Jamie and Simon both celebrated birthdays the last week of September.  We decided to have a combined dinner for them. 

Daddy figured out how to put toys in balloons.

Ethan has been looking forward to this train show since May.  He has kept the flier in his room and has been watching the calendar.  The boy is seriously passionate about trains.  And I embrace it.  Reminds me of my grandpa.

We also had Benjamin's bear made. This bear has SEVEN hearts in it.  I love this tradition with our boys.  Each one has their special bear that everyone in the family at the time has put hearts in.  We've put hearts in for Lucas and Caleb in Simon's and Benjamin's.
 

 
Here is his finished bear.  I am so excited about the superhero theme!
 
 
Simon had a morning at the zoo with Willy and I for his birthday.  The boy is passionate about animals, and an hour at the zoo (there's not much there to spend more time), is his favorite outing.

Here's Simon finishing his birthday "doughnut."  Really it was a allergy free sugar cookie with allergy free icing.  He loved it!
 
I can't believe he is already two.  The time has gone by so fast, and we enjoy him so very much.  He adds an abundance of life and laughter to our family.  And I couldn't imagine not having him here.

He was worn out this day.  I embrace these moments, because they are so rare.

The three boys have enjoyed the cooler weather.  I think Ethan and Colton have finally "accepted" him as part of the tribe.  They play with him more, and let him join in on their fun more readily.  I love watching the three of them together.  And when they kiss and hug Simon good night, it just melts my heart.
 
Well, that kind of wraps up what we've been doing.  Time is ticking and Benjamin will be here soon.   I'm really enjoying this time with the boys before chaos returns, hopefully for not quite as long as when Simon was born.  
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