Five Years Part 1

Five years ago yesterday we found out we were having twins.  They were pretty sure they were identical, but they were growing well.  Our life was headed for a HUGE change.  I remember Willy and I asking the technician if she was joking.  We were shocked.  And I was really excited.  Everyone was. I still remember many details from that day. Riding home from the doctor, thinking how I was going to be a mom of twins.  I always wanted twins, not sure why, but I did.  I remember telling Dru at work and how excited she was.  IT was a huge birthday surprise! She told the entire dining center in one loud announcement.  There were phone calls and emails.  This was really going to happen.

Here's the first blog post when we announced here and began the journey.
http://earlstwins.blogspot.com/2010_02_01_archive.html
I was so excited to share with the world our experiences being pregnant and raising twins, along with two other boys.

And here I am five years later.  I still feel a sting when I wake up on February 18th.  I woke up in a bad mood yesterday, but couldn't place it until the afternoon. I know the next three and a half months are going to have some hard moments, days when the tears just flow.  I know by now to embrace those days for what they are. They are now moments when I can just stop and concentrate on the two little boys who aren't running around, adding to our wonderful chaos.

I miss them dearly.  I hate that there are days when I am just so busy with our four living sons, that they don't cross my mind except for a fleeting thought.  Their picture is by the bed, I say goodnight every night.  I packed most of their shelf away when we listed the house on the market.  I am so looking forward to putting it back up one day when we move.

Five years ago, it hadn't crossed my mind yet that this was the journey laid out for us.  There has been incredible heart-wrenching pain, but there has been indescribable joy also.  There were days when I didn't believe I would ever be happy again, and now most days I am blown away by happiness I feel.

The healing that has been brought is amazing.  I love that there are friends and family that continue to love, mention, remember, and embrace Lucas and Caleb.  There will always be a hole where they belong, but being surrounded by such amazing people softens the edges that were once very jagged.

Time Flying-

This has been a crazy hectic week.  But looking back, I think that is most weeks right now.  Four boys to take care of, a house trying to sell, and my Scentsy business growing again.  It seems like some days drag on, but really, they just fly by.  

Here is a snip-it of our week.  We managed to sign Colton up for spring and summer baseball.  And then transfer both big boys to a different school across town.  It happened that most of Colton's ball team also go to their new school.  (I'm not going into reasons why we're transferring right now, but know it's been in the works for awhile)  The big boys start there on Monday.  Simon has potty trained this weekend.  Like pretty much on his own.  Love this!!!!  I truly despise potty training, it's the one part of parenting I would gladly pay someone to do.  And Benjamin rolled over this morning.  How does that happen?

I have three Scentsy parties this month, and we're getting ready to roll out the new catalog in March.  Everyone seems to be taking advantage of 10% off and are loading up their favorites, along with Washer Whiffs.  I have one new team member, a lifelong friend!  So excited for her.  And I'm trying to bring two more on with me.  Not to mention Spring Sprint next weekend!  I am so excited for that.  It helps that we'll be paying a visit to IKEA.  

Then just the everyday stuff around here.  Laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning, and taking care of of my boys.  We've cut back on video games and now tv time as well.  There's a lot more music being played in the house, and tons of laughter.  The sound of Benjamin laughing at Simon....be still my heart.  Simon has also decided he is one of the big boys.  He follows them around all the time.  And Simon's newest game.  Repeating what we are saying during a conversation, like he is the one having the conversation.  Makes ordering at a drive thru window quite comical.

Typing all this, I can see why time is just zooming past with us.  We're doing our best to embrace the moments.  I am beginning to journal again so I can keep more of them recorded.  So many times during the day/evening I just want to bottle up the amazing emotions that come with being the momma to these four boys.

Here are a few pictures to end with.  None of the big boys this time around.  I'll have to load some with them off my camera.