Saturday, May 31, 2014

This Day

This day is always harder than tomorrow.  It's the day when my world came crashing to a screeching halt, four years ago.  I wish I could run away from this day.  I wish I could skip to tomorrow when I know I'll feel better.  I feel physically ill right now.  For the second time this morning, I am close to vomiting.  I guess the past couple of weeks are catching up to me.

But I know that I must walk through this day to get to tomorrow.  I must embrace all the hurt and pain today to feel the peace of tomorrow and the next day.  I'm not sure why their birthday is so very peaceful for me, but I am grateful for that. And June 2nd, when Caleb died, is always more peaceful than the 1st. 

Yesterday my sister called to let me know two dragonflies followed her throughout the morning while she mowed the lawn.  I saw a double rainbow yesterday evening after a bout of rain.  They are always right here with me.  And yet they are so far away.  Days like today I can remember how it felt to hold them both in my arms.  So tiny, but so perfect.

I am so grateful for the love and support of my friends and family. I am grateful for a husband that checks on me and gives me more grace than I probably deserve. And I am ever so grateful for the three boys that call me mom and want to snuggle on the couch.  And for this little one growing inside, who reminds me there is always hope.

I am planning having this printed on a canvas for the new house.  I love this picture, and it just truly says so much.

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