A Week With Benjamin

Wow!  I can't believe Benjamin has been here a week already.  This time goes by so incredibly fast.  I try to capture all the amazing moments, but I know many will fade in time.  We are finally beginning to settle in some.  It's been a tough transition.  Going from three to four boys in this house.  I am fairly confident that all the moms who have four plus children lied to me when they said two to three was the hardest, after that it was a piece of cake.  I think it's a ploy to convince other moms to join the four plus club.  The chaos that seems to set in in the afternoons and evenings can be overwhelming.  But, we're getting there.  Everyone is getting used to the new normal for our house.

About his first week.  Well, he didn't really sleep for the first three days.  Only at 20 minute intervals through the day and night.  The first 24 hours we had no access to a pacifier.  And this boy likes to have something in his mouth to fall asleep with.  He spits it out soon after falling asleep, but needs it to get there.  And I was informed at 2:30am that the hospital no longer has pacifiers as part of their "baby friendly" policy.  Google it, I did at 3:00am after cooling down a little from the frustration of not being able to settle my newest baby to sleep.

Anyway, it wasn't until my milk came in that Benjamin began to sleep better.  He would sleep for 20 or so minutes, wake up a little, cry (this boy screams more than cries), and settle back down for another 20 minutes after some rocking or patting.  The first two nights at home he "slept" in his swing next to my bed.  Anyone who knows me well, knows how desperate for sleep I had to be for that to happen.  Now he's sleeping in his bed, in his room, for 2-3 hours at a time at nights.  And what a difference those intervals of sleep make when it comes to the overall atmosphere of our home.

We went in for a weight check on Monday.  He was down to 8lbs1oz from 8lbs10oz at birth. But color looks great, he's nursing really well, and has plenty of wet and dirty diapers that they aren't concerned.  He goes back on the 8th for his two week check-up.

The boys are all enjoying  him.  The bigs love to hold him every chance they get.  Ethan is very helpful around the house and more aware of things in general.  Simon is always excited to see Benjamin (Benbaby).  He tries to play with him some, and loves to help to burp him.  

Today Colton had an orthodontist appointment and Willy had another appointment.  I had to take all four boys out by myself.  And we managed to arrive early.  Granted some of the early was due to me having the time wrong, but we made it early just the same.  And everyone was happy without any problems in the waiting room.  It took a little advance planning on my end. Like getting across the parking lot with all four boys without someone getting hit by a car.  But we succeeded.

Benjamin's personality so far seems to match from what I gathered while carrying him.  He is very unique from the other boys.  He's picky in how he's swaddled, he seems generally happy, but when he's upset, he's very upset.  He is such a joy, though.  I love how he looks at me and just seems to know it's all okay.  And makes me feel that it's all okay.

Here are some pictures from the week.  I'll post his birth story soon.  It was a great labor and short delivery.

38 weeks

Monday was officially 38 weeks for this little man growing inside. We're getting so close to meeting him. I'm hopeful he makes his appearance sometime next week.  I haven't enjoyed this pregnancy as much as I have the others. My body is older and this is pregnancy number FIVE in EIGHT years. Not to mention the three boys that we're chasing around. I'm grateful for the opportunity to be pregnant and have another baby, but I'm being honest in saying I'm ready for the next season of life.

We're pretty much ready for Benjamin. Bags are packed, there are meals in the freezer, and a package of diapers in the nursery. The boys are excited, though Simon has no idea what's about to happen. He's been part of the big boy club for about a month now. He spends most of his time following Colton and Ethan around, doing what they're doing. And they are doing pretty well in including him.

This fall has been busy, making this third trimester fly by. We've had a ton of fun, and still have a full calendar ahead of us. I'm so excited to meet this little guy, but I'm nervous about how the dynamics are going to change. Perhaps more nervous than with the other boys. It's going to be an adventure, that's for sure.

Here are a few pictures to wrap this up. Maybe the next post will be to introduce Mr. Benjamin.

38 weeks and enjoying fall wardrobe

 The Halloween haul from the boys this year.

 The blanket and canopy cover aunt Jamie made for lil Benjamin. So in love with this!

 3 am acrobatics starring Benjamin.

 The boys carving pumpkins. Simon refused to touch the pumpkin guts.

My Halloween costume this year.  My husband is quite talented.

34 Weeks and Catching Up

 

We've reached 34 weeks today!  Super crazy to think we are so close to meeting our newest lil boy.  Benjamin is by far the most active baby I've carried.  He moves for long periods of time, several times throughout the day and night. Yes, throughout the night.  I often lay awake, enjoying his acrobats for an hour so during the night.

 

I'm feeling pretty good most days.  It's usually not until the evening that the heartburn and soreness kicks in.  I'm tired much of the time. And with everything we have going on around here, my mind is mostly mush.  I really still enjoy being pregnant, but they are right when they say that each subsequent pregnancy is harder on your body, not mention it gets tougher as you get older.

 

We are making progress on Benjamin's room.  His name panels are almost finished.  We've put some stuff on the walls.  I haven't washed his clothes yet, but they are hanging in his closet.  I really need to sit down and make a few lists of things to pack for him and I.  I keep thinking about sitting down to do it, but then I get distracted. Hmmm...

 

Oh, and we took a trip to Labor and Delivery three weeks ago.  As I mentioned Benjamin likes to move a bunch.  Well, when he gets to moving for a couple hours at a time, I start to contract.  They are still Braxton Hicks contractions, but they get to be 3 minutes apart for several hours.  After a couple days of this off and on, we decided it was best to have all checked out.  Four hours in L&D, and it was decided he was going nowhere anytime soon. It doesn't happen as often now, but still every couple of days he gets a little crazy in there.

 



Here is a 34 week belly picture.  He's growing well in there, and is head down!



 

 

I say we've been busy.  We really have.  We are currently attempting the process of selling our house to an investor, who happens to own the house we want to buy.  There's a great lack of communication right now, so we're really just sitting around waiting for him to answer his phone.  But that is the plan.  And the hope is that we can move before Benjamin arrives. 

 

And Simon has decided he's ready to potty train.  I've never hidden the fact that I detest potty training, because I seriously do.  He seems to be really getting the hang of it, though.  This is not the time I would have chosen, but he was really having issues with dirty and wet diapers. 

 

Here are a bunch of fun pictures taken over the last month or so.  I thought this would be a quick way to catch up.

We hit up the corn maze yesterday.  This was Simon's first trip.  And it started with a two year old meltdown when he decided to run and hide in the corn.  After ten minutes or so of being taken out of the maze, we were able to enjoy it together.

Saturday evening we decided to head to a local park here to let the boys do some hiking.  Last time we were there, they wanted to, but Willy wasn't with us so they had to wait.

After hiking they had a bat flight viewing at the cave below these rocks.  This was so much fun.  The boys really had a great time watching all the bats. 

Piper is doing well here.  She's getting bigger, and still prefers me.  Most days I am very much in love with her.  Then there are days like today when she just has a hard time staying out of trouble.  But who couldn't love a cat this adorable?

Last week Ethan had a Clifford party at school. It was so much fun to spend an hour with just him in his classroom.

Aunt Jamie and Simon both celebrated birthdays the last week of September.  We decided to have a combined dinner for them. 

Daddy figured out how to put toys in balloons.

Ethan has been looking forward to this train show since May.  He has kept the flier in his room and has been watching the calendar.  The boy is seriously passionate about trains.  And I embrace it.  Reminds me of my grandpa.

We also had Benjamin's bear made. This bear has SEVEN hearts in it.  I love this tradition with our boys.  Each one has their special bear that everyone in the family at the time has put hearts in.  We've put hearts in for Lucas and Caleb in Simon's and Benjamin's.

 

 

Here is his finished bear.  I am so excited about the superhero theme!

 

 

Simon had a morning at the zoo with Willy and I for his birthday.  The boy is passionate about animals, and an hour at the zoo (there's not much there to spend more time), is his favorite outing.

Here's Simon finishing his birthday "doughnut."  Really it was a allergy free sugar cookie with allergy free icing.  He loved it!

 

I can't believe he is already two.  The time has gone by so fast, and we enjoy him so very much.  He adds an abundance of life and laughter to our family.  And I couldn't imagine not having him here.

He was worn out this day.  I embrace these moments, because they are so rare.

The three boys have enjoyed the cooler weather.  I think Ethan and Colton have finally "accepted" him as part of the tribe.  They play with him more, and let him join in on their fun more readily.  I love watching the three of them together.  And when they kiss and hug Simon good night, it just melts my heart.

 

Well, that kind of wraps up what we've been doing.  Time is ticking and Benjamin will be here soon.   I'm really enjoying this time with the boys before chaos returns, hopefully for not quite as long as when Simon was born.  

First Day Jitters

The first MOPS meeting of the year was this morning. I love MOPS. I've been a part of the same group off and on for six years now. These women are amazing, and I've made some of my greatest friends through this group. I met my phenomenal friend Kristan, who introduced me to Life Fellowship,  through MOPS. And these women helped pull me through some of the darkest moments of grief. They were at the hospital, with food for my entire family and prayers for us when Caleb was fighting for his life. They brought meal to us and were at Lucas and Caleb's service.  God placed these women in my life, and I am forever grateful. Even though some of my friends that were part of MOPS the first couple of years have graduated, I still hold them so very close to my heart.

All that being said, I always feel anxious that first meeting. There are always new moms there. And there are always get to know each other games and conversations. These are women I don't know, but will get to know better. And how do you introduce yourself and the number of kids without making them feel awkward?  I go over in my head for a few weeks beforehand trying to figure out what I'll say every.single.year.  And I always show up clueless about what I'm going to say.

This year has been no different. I figure the right words will come to me as they are needed. We started with a bingo game this year. The first box was to find a mom who has twins. My first thought was, "Crap." Then I chose to shrug it off and concentrate on the other squares. I was so proud of myself for not dwelling on it like I would have in the past. It didn't even really sting much. Just kind of tapped on my heart, I guess.

Then we were handed our name tags at the table. The hospitality team made them for us. Here is mine.

 

There are six hearts.  One for each of my children.  To have someone so kind as to include Lucas and Caleb , well there were tears.  My heart swelled with love.  And it made it easier to answer questions, such as, "How many kids do you have?" Though I didn't mention today that two of them aren't home with me, I never felt the lump in my throat.  No one really asked how many, they saw the hearts and asked if Benjamin is number six or seven.  Thank you, Stephanie and Sara for your amazing kindness and thoughtfulness. 

 

I left today feeling loved.  Not confused, frustrated, or guilty because I didn't answer the way I felt I should, or my answers made someone feel awkward.  

Back in the Swing

Today wraps up the second week of school for the big boys.  And I think we are finally getting back into routine around here.  At least we are almost making it out the door on time in the mornings.  The boys really like their teachers, and are doing well in their classes.  The afternoons and evenings are still a little rough, but we're managing.  I think I am still trying to fit a ton of stuff in that I really couldn't during the summer.  And my Scentsy business is beginning to really take off again, so that keeps me busy, also.

This boy is getting so big.  I love how unimpressed he is here.

Simon is enjoying them being back at school.  He loves his big brothers, but I am sure it is nice to not be yelled at by them all. day. long.  I know it's nice to have to be hearing it. I'm also enjoying the one-on-one time with him before Benjamin arrives.  I know he is going to have a hard time once Benjamin is here and he realizes Benjamin is here to stay.  We took him Wednesday to Build-A-Bear to make a big brother animal.  It was so much fun!  He chose a bulldog with a dinosaur roar!  Love the kid!!

Speaking of the Simon.  The kid is so full of personality!  He loves animals and fish!  We spend a ton of time watching fish in aquariums.  I am so ready for the cooler weather so we can spend more time at the zoo.  Our zoo is far from impressive, but watching him enjoy the animals makes it so much fun.
I am starting some tot school stuff with him next week. He is so smart, and I really want to encourage his love for learning. 

I don't think I've introduced our kitten, Piper, on here.  We found her about five weeks ago in a culvert pipe out in the country.  She was crying, sticking her head out of a hole.  Simon saw her and she became ours.  She is such a loving kitten.  She purrs all the time and has chosen me as "her person."  She enjoys, sometimes tolerates, the boys. She is also full of spunk and cuteness.  Here are a few pics.

 

 



Everything is going well with Benjamin.  His movements are becoming more pushes and shoves.  Some are painful, but I still love every. single. movement.  He still has a pretty good schedule for when he's awake and when he's resting.  We had a little scare the other day when my umbrella assaulted my tummy while I was trying to shut it.  After a phone call to the nurse, and 30 minutes waiting for lil one to move, I was reassured (mostly) that all was okay.  I really look forward to meeting him in November.

Well, that's about it for now. I have to head out to MOPS and get my Friday going.

Surviving the Milestones

I thought I'd been doing really well this pregnancy.  The fear has been at a minimal since finishing the first trimester.  I've enjoyed this pregnancy with an underlying knowledge that horrible things happen, but it wasn't at the forefront of my mind every hour of every day.  I've enjoyed that so much!

24 week baby bump

Monday was 24 weeks for Mr. B.  It was such a sigh of relief, knowing if things started to go south, he'd have much more of a chance of surviving. Viability....24 weeks.  How little I knew about that before Lucas and Caleb were born. 24 weeks was just another week down til meeting our little men.  Know it's circled in bright red on the calendar.  The second big target date to reach. 

I was talking with Willy last weekend about how this week could be a tough one for me.  I remember I was a huge mess between 24 and 25 weeks with Simon. 

24 weeks, 1 day: water broke with Lucas and Caleb
24 weeks, 3 days: Lucas died
24 weeks, 4 days: Lucas and Caleb was born
24 weeks, 5 days: (Day one after birth) Caleb died.

That's a whole lot of scary moments to swim around in a short amount of time.  I breezed through Tuesday this week.  We spent the day at SDC as a family.  Wednesday was a great day for me.  And Wednesday night I was falling asleep, patting myself on the back for handling this week of pregnancy with Benjamin so well.  Fear hadn't crept in much at all, and I was enjoying my moments with him.

Then Thursday morning hit.  Benjamin didn't wake up with me as he ALWAYS does.  He was quiet through my shower and breakfast.  I had a regular prenatal visit scheduled, so I was trying to get ready for it.  But as the minutes passed by without feeling him moving around, I started to make plans.  How if I couldn't find his heartbeat with the Doppler after breakfast I would have to make plans for the kids so Willy could come with me to the dr.  How I would have to call my friend and let her know I wouldn't be picking up her son.  And the flashbacks began.  How much pain there was when Dr M looked at me and shook her head when she couldn't find Lucas' heartbeat.  And all I could do was pray.  Pray for the pain and fear to just go away.  Try and have faith that no matter what, we would be okay.  Fear is not of God, and I try to remember that in those dark moments.  I try to embrace it with all I have left.

I found Benjamin's heartbeat after breakfast.  It was quiet and slower than usual, but I felt confident it was there.  Knowing I would be seeing Dr L in less than hour, I finished getting ready and headed to the office on my own.  I talked with a close friend on the way there that helped to talk me down a little.  I have to say that it is so wonderful to have friends who "get" it, and don't think you are totally nuts at times like this.

My nurse, W, found his heartbeat.  150....not his normal.  She found it again. 150, his heartbeat was there.  He gave me a good jab while she was looking for it.  Happy with that.  Dr L measured me at 25 weeks, he's growing well.  And he was pretty active most of the day.  I could breathe a little easier.  But not entirely.

Here's the facts.  I know the pain of losing a child.  I know the reality of losing a child.  I know it can, and does, happen more than once.  And sometimes those facts play louder in my head than I would like.  Sometimes they're like a broken record, others I've succeed to push them far behind and have faith that Benjamin will be in my arms, crying in 15 short weeks.  The roller coaster ride of emotions that come with a subsequent pregnancy is tough.  This pregnancy has been easier, but there are still the tough moments.  In ways I miss the naïve moments of pregnancy I had with Colton and Ethan, but I honestly believe I wouldn't be able to truly embrace the moments, as I do now, that I have had with Simon and Benjamin.

Benjmin-22 Weeks

22 Weeks, wow how they have passed by so quickly.  We've been so busy this summer, and now there are only FOUR weeks left.  I hate that I haven't posted here much.  I've wanted to, but finding the time has been difficult.  And with the computer upstairs now, it's just hard to steal away long enough to do it.  My hope is that along with some Scentsy business I need to be working on, I can also spend more time up here catching the blog up.

So, at 22 weeks I am feeling pretty good.  Benjamin has become incredibly active and strong.  I feel him often, and sometimes receive a pretty strong jab that makes me gasp out loud.  We haven't really prepared much for him, as we are really hoping to be in a new house sometime soon.  But I am more and  more excited everyday for this little boy to be a part of our family.

Speaking of little boy, boy number six.  I couldn't be any happier to be welcoming another baby boy.  I was caught off guard, kind of.  But I am truly a mom of boys. We decided to do a surprise gender reveal at our birthday bash this year.  And while I know it went off beautifully, I am pretty sure I wouldn't do it again.  I have some control issues, and being completely in the dark for nearly a week just about did me in.  Melanie was the friend who we chose to know and plan it.  And I couldn't have asked for any better. 

The night before I was crying and cranky and just flipping out a little.  I felt so sure Turkey was a girl, this pregnancy has been do different.  I knew it could be a little boy in there, but I was afraid of how I might react if so.  Try again, I was terrified.  75+  people were going to be watching my reaction, and I never in a million years wanted this baby to think I was disappointed.  I spent quite a bit of time praying for grace.  And God so gave me that grace.  There were no tears, and I really didn't feel let down at all. At the very last moment, I knew the balloons would be blue. And I truly felt good about it. 

We had our official anatomy scan on the July 3rd.  Benjamin looks perfect, absolutely perfect.  The sonographer really took her time, so we were able to really watch him as him moved around.  We were given several pictures and even a video of him flicking his finger at us.  Truly love him so very much!

So, here are some pictures from the past month or so to share.

 

 The only dress I can wear when pregnant.  Taken last Friday.

 

 Also taken on Friday

 

My view looking down on the Fourth of July.  Benjamin spent three days hanging out the left and my belly looked as though it pointed to the left.

 

 

Next post will hopefully be a ton of pictures from the birthday bash.