Always Here

They are always here.  Lucas and Caleb.  I don't write often about them right now, but they are always behind my writing.  They are always behind my smile, and of course they are always behind my tears.  I miss them so much.  I feel May looming ever closer, like so many other mamas I have come to know over the past two years.  Although I have felt this year, this birthday will be different from their first, I know deep down it is still going to be hard.

We had a busy weekend with Colton's birthday party (pictures later this week).  My greatest friend, Michelle, from High School came down with her family to celebrate with us.  That is so very special.  Our kids have so much fun together, and even though we live 200 miles apart, our children are still growing up together, just like we talked about ## years ago. 

We, the adults, were all sitting around the table last night telling stories, and having a great time.  Willy and I were sharing a story from a few weeks ago and it led to the picture of the orbs Kristan took last fall. Willy then shared a new story I hadn't heard. 

Last week, he finally put some of Lucas and Caleb's ashes in my locket.  We've been shy about it since the whole glue fiasco the first time around.  Then it really comes down to sitting down and doing it.  Well, I guess he sat down and did it one night before coming up to bed.  When he came down in the morning, the light over their shelf was on.  Sends chills through me and a smile to my face.  My boys are always here.  They will always be watching over us and our Cinco.