From Monkeys to Dragonflies and Beyond: 21 Weeks

21 Weeks!!!! Skipped 20 weeks, thanks to having a really healthy boy. I am still feeling a little nervous by how big Mr. Simon is, but know that big is better than small. Keep growing, little man.

Baby Size: 10 inches (supposed to be, but probably more like 11 or 12)

Weight Gain: 9 lbs! Whoo hoo! The walking Colton to and from school is really paying off. I gained 1 lb between 4 week appointments.

How I feel: Pregnancy wise, pretty darn good. The other stuff I'll touch on further down.

Symptoms: Reflux, but without the heartburn still. My tailbone is KILLING me by the end of the day. It was cracked during delivery with Colton. Love my 9lb 7oz boy who came out face up.

Cravings: Nothing set. Varies from day to day, sometimes hour to hour.

Best Part of Last Week: Watching my Simon swim around. The boy just wriggled everywhere. I am so grateful we found out he was a boy in the beginning so we could really enjoy the rest of the show. Love, love my little man!!

Looking forward to: Enjoying all the movement Simon blesses me with.

I know I have been pretty quiet the last week or so here and on facebook. I caught the horrendous virus the boys had, and it is wiping me out! I was lucky enough to not have a fever. But, the cough is a nightmare. I would rather have a 2 day stomach flu than this cough that is plaguing me. I have tried everything I could find and think of to tone it down some. Just yesterday I came across a blog that mentioned rubbing Vicks on my neck. And it is actually working some. Thank you!!! I've been averaging 3-4 hours of sleep a night for the past 5 nights or so. And I just haven't had the energy to do much of anything, let alone be social.

The weekend was good. We hit up some garage sales on Saturday morning. We found some great deals on lots of baby stuff. Though it seemed like there were a lot more baby girl stuff out there.    And on Sunday I slept in a bit. Dru and I went baby shopping (and a little scrapbook shopping). It was nice to get out a little and be distracted from Mother's Day some. The boys gave me their gifts when we got home, and then we went out to dinner. It was a nice day, low-key really. I know Mother's Day will always sting.

I cannot express how thrilled I am to be having another boy. And how amazed I am. There hasn't been any feelings of sadness. I love this little baby so much. He is absolutely perfect and healthy. He is moving around more, and I love that so much. And Willy finally got to feel him move last night. The boys are also so very in love with Simon. Last night they both hugged "him" before heading to bed. And Ethan, knowing Simon can hear his now, was talking baby talk to him last night.

All that being said, there are a few moments of grief that pop in there. The fact that he weighs what Caleb weighed when he was born, and that he has their nose, it makes me wonder what other qualities of theirs he'll have. Will I seem them when I look in his beautiful eyes? There will be moments when I wonder if his personality will be similar to what theirs would have been like.   He is definitely more rambunctious like Lucas was.

As their second birthday approaches, and the 24th week of this pregnancy, I know my heart is going to ache more. Grief is making a subtle approach right now. I know this year won't be as hard as last, but it will still hurt.  I miss my two babies, and want so bad for my Simon to continue to grow and be healthy. I find myself trying not to think about this summer too much. I dreaded being pregnant in the summer, then lost Lucas and Caleb in June. I try not to talk about how hot it's going to be. I try not to think about the boys starting school in the fall and how crazy pregnant I will be. There are lots of flashbacks when I walk Ethan to his classroom right now. The halls have puzzle shaped mirrors in them. I always glance at my belly as I pass them, just as I did with Lucas and Caleb. And with it being the end of the year, Ethan being in same classroom Colton was then, it just all comes rushing back. As the school year closes, I feel their pregnancy closing also. And I just hold on tight and pray for my Simon.

Changing the subject, let's end with some pictures:

Dru found this and gave it to me for Mother's Day. I love that she still shows that she thinks of Lucas and Caleb. Thank you!!

The gifts from Willy, Colton, and Ethan. Very creative!!

Oops, this is sideways. One of the many, many things Ethan made for me.

My first hand-written-all-by-myself Mother's Day card from Colton!

Due to the really warm weather, Lucas and Caleb's lillies are blooming early. This makes me kind of sad, as they should be blooming the week of their birthday. They are beautiful, though, and make me think of my sweet baby boys.

Here are some of the buys from the weekend. I went through what we have left from Colton and Ethan. All I could find was onesies and socks. I guess I sold the rest several years ago, before we became pregnant with the twins.

The rockstar collection.