Friday, January 10, 2014

No good, rotten, bad day

That's today, so far. 

I started to write this, making a list of all the reasons this morning I feel like today just bites.  Then decided not to.  I don't need to make some list as to why I feel this way. 

But days like today make me miss them even more.  Lucas and Caleb are closer to the surface of my heart today.  The edges of the hole my baby boys left have more definition today.  They are jagged, and they scratch everything. 

And I am missing my grandma more today.  It's been three months since I've talked to her.  Someone I used to talk to every other day, for years.  And I haven't heard her voice in three horribly long months. 

I hate how mornings when things just start out wrong, grief takes it as an invitation to set up camp.  The only smiles I have felt surface this morning are the ones when Colton, Ethan, and Simon all sat on (or nearly on) my lap.  I am so grateful for those three boys.  Oh my, am I ever so grateful. 

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