Thursday, April 28, 2011


I never thought about the "cycles" of friends and acquaintances you go through throughout life. But as I get ready to be part of the PTA board at Colton's school next year, I realize I don't know any of these people, and they don't know me, know us.

I was asked at the last board meeting about my "other" children by a teacher that may have Colton next year. I was having a good day, great week, so I kept it simple. I took a deep breath, and I told her I have a 3 year old at home also. And I left it at that. Guilt hit me, it stung, but I pushed it away. This wonderful teacher may learn another time about Lucas and Caleb, but then just wasn't the time.

I will also mention that there is a PTA board member that has 10 year old (I think) identical twin boys. I haven't seen them together yet, and I hope I don't for awhile. I am sure it will sting some, but the age difference will pad the majority of what it could turn into.

Several months ago I decided I didn't want to be defined by our loss. I didn't want to be "that woman humped over there that lost twins." I still stick to that. Although Lucas and Caleb's lives have definitely re-defined who I am and who I want to be and most everything I do, I don't feel the need to share them with the whole world. I know I mentioned this a while back, but they are too special to share with just anyone.

I am sure as next school year progresses, these new people in our lives will learn about our babies in Heaven. I have some anxiety joining a new "group" of people who don't know. I actually feel like I am leaving Lucas and Caleb behind a little. But I know when the time is right, and with the ones who will treat their memory respectively, I will share my twin sons.

Maybe I should just say, "I'm chasing a three year old at home, also." ...for the time being.

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