First, thank you Tessa, for your latest post. So much has resonated with me. Especially this, " All the times we danced with you and made sure you knew about all the truly important things in life like how to make the best chocolate chip cookies and how much dough you could sneak and eat before your tummy hurts or mommy freaks out. :-) " Oh how these words have sat with me the past couple of days.
I feel like I've been in a rut, sweet baby. I'm feeling better, getting more done, and enjoying some of the weather. But I'm not fully sharing them all with you, as I really wanted to. There's been some emotional frustration (thank you hormones) and maybe a little anger hanging around here and there. And although it has probably little to do with our family, it still gets to me. And I realized tonight, I don't want you to know anger and frustration. I want you to know sillyness, happiness, and love.
Since losing Lucas and Caleb, I have truly realized how precious each and every day is. Unfortunately, I sometimes get wrapped up in day to day stuff and forget. I know everyone does. I am going to try and hold onto this more. With you, with Colton and Ethan, and with your Daddy. It's time to appreciate the small stuff again, and enjoy every moment.
I made chocolate chip cookies tonight, and struggled on not trying the cookie dough. The struggle that if something happens, will I blame myself for eating the cookie dough. I weighed it, thought about all the great things I want you to know, and decided to pass this time. But I have set a new goal of sharing something wonderful with you each and every day. I will keep track for you in your journal. And I look forward to sharing them with you one day when you are grown.
I love you, baby.