Monday, July 2, 2012

Moments to Bottle

25 month ago, I thought I would never see happiness again.  I had lost two precious little boys, and the fog of grief was so thick.  And last year, this time I was a month out from their last birthday, with full swing baby fever.  This year we are two years out from losing Lucas and Caleb, and we are expecting our little Simon in 12 weeks.  How amazing to really look back and be able to see things progress.

Since July 2010, our family has driven to Republic for the Have A Blast firework display.  I remember each evening still so vividly.  How that first year, all I could really think about was how pregnant I was not.  I was just beginning to truly find my path through the grief.  I was still a shell of my old self, not really present.

Last year was much better. Here is the post about that night.  We had a really good time.  I was fully there, and I have to admit that I kept thinking how nice it would be to have a baby with us the following year.

This year, Simon is on his way.  Willy and I joked about how he would respond to the loud booms of the fireworks.  Then Willy talked about pushing his stroller up the hill.  I could picture it, picture him next to me in his stroller, probably asleep.  Tears came to my eyes, the happy ones.  I thought about how far we have come.  And the happiness we feel.  I wanted to bottle up that feeling of happiness, that moment of bliss to keep forever.

Here are a few pictures from Friday night.  It was hot...98 degrees, so the we aren't the most photogenic here.

The group minus Ethan.  Not sure where he was.
Thank you Betty for pointing out that Ethan is sitting right in front of me.  Oh we are in so much trouble.

YAY for pregnant me!  Though this chair makes me look heavy and not so pregnant.  And of course Miss Morgan and her beautiful curls.

Beautiful fireworks!

The kiddos watching the show. Ethan was crazy loud with each boom.  And Simon slept through the WHOLE show!!

On Saturday, the boys and Willy spent the morning outside.  My grass was finally mowed, and the boys were able to burn some energy.  Around noon the four of us gathered in the pool for some cooling off time.  I love our pool.  It is a great size and really the perfect temperature thanks to the shade that hits it during the right times of day.

The boys were playing Marco Polo with Willy. Only instead of saying "polo" they had to be as quiet as possible.  As I sat there listening to Ethan's quiet, I just couldn't help but feel that calm, yet giddy, happiness again.  I wished for the second time in 24 hours that I could bottle up that moment.  We have come so very far in 25 months.  And although there are still moments, even days that turn my world upside down, I know now that it can be turned right side up.

**And as I sit here, typing this, thinking about my sweet precious boys and how much they have taught me, I am watching 20+ dragonflies fly around outside.  They are everywhere around the front, side, and backyards. **
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