Bubbles

Few words here today.  Just some really fun pictures of the boys playing with bubbles last night.  Snickers has blessed our family for a year now.  And even though he is in trouble currently for tearing up the tissues in the bathroom trash, I still love him lots.  He has been absolutely wonderful for our family.

A little bit blurry, but you get an idea of the high activity level.

We're Here!!!!

I sure wish I could do cartwheels right about now!  I am just so excited about making it to the second trimester.  There were honestly times when I thought Cinco and I wouldn't get here.  I am just elated to make it this far.  And all the love, prayers, and support Cinco and I have received the past 9 weeks is just, well WOW!  Thank you, friends and family.  I am looking forward to the next 27 (most likely) weeks and I know that with all of you by my side, that we'll do this.

This all being written,  also want to share the other feelings I have about making it to this point.  I don't feel the absolute positivity I have felt after reaching this point during my previous pregnancies.  I somewhat miss that feeling.  The "everything is okay now, we'll be holding our baby in 6 months" feeling.  I know that what happened with Lucas and Caleb won't happen this time, but I am also aware of the hundreds, maybe thousands of other things that can go wrong still.

Even though I really don't keep updated on new losses, (I actually avoid them right now) I can't forget what I know, what I have learned.  I truly understand what a miracle each and every baby born is.  I often think back to my 5 week ultrasound, when all we saw was a black hole.  There was nothing in there to indicate Cinco was beginning to grow.  And then two weeks later when we saw Cinco and a little heart beating.  How amazing!!!! 

I'll go back to weekly update format next week.  Last week was a good week.  I am definitely feeling second trimester pregnant more than first.  Although I haven't had that ah-ha moment when I realize my energy is fully back.  I do feel really good for the most part, though. I am looking forward to May when we find out if we'll be finally buying some pink and purple, or finding some more blue and green.  Either way, I will be thrilled just to know everything with Cinco is great!

12 Weeks (2 days late)

12 Weeks!!!!  One more to go until Hello Second Trimester!

Baby Size: 2.25 inches (lime)

Weight Gain: 4 lbs

How I feel: Good most days, through by the time Friday hits I kind of collapse

Symptoms: The nausea has popped back up.  It's not a constant, just here and there. I have also started getting the nightly charley horses.  Still have heartburn and indegestion and the round ligament pains are lasting longer now.

Favorite Food: Banana Split Blizzard from Dairy Queen

Best Part of Last Week: Buying $250 of maternity clothes for $39.40!!

Looking forward to: 13 Weeks baby!!!! It's so close

I am so, so, so excited to be so close to 13 weeks. It's really starting to feel like we could be bringing a baby home in September.  I love it!!!  Cinco hid from the doppler quite bit last week, but now, finally, she/he is big enough that I am having an easier time finding the heartbeat. 

Monday was a busy day with my first Scentsy party.   It really rocked! And my goal is to earn enough money through Scentsy in the next 5 months to pay for the dream crib I have fallen in love with.  So far I am on a great role!

We also came across a great deal on an Angel Care monitor this week.  Willy suggested we go ahead and pick it up since they only had one left.  Felt a little weird purchasing such a big item for Cinco, but I am feeling better and better about her/him being okay. 



And here is a belly picture taken on Monday!  12 weeks belly.  It looks a little bigger than my belly looked at 12 weeks with Lucas and Caleb.

Circus and St. Patrick's Day

Happy St. Patrick's Day!!!  I love, love this day.  There are so many things you can do to make it fun, no matter the ages and even when you're pregnant!  And I am sooooo looking forward to corned beef this afternoon! Yummy!!

This post is two in one.  Since I really don't get pictures up, I figured I would combine them and take advantage of the time I am sitting at the computer.

First, though I want to share this picture of our pond in the front yard.  One of my new favorite pictures! Dana, I love these dragonflies and am so grateful to you for them.  I am also excited about all the new fish we have this year.  Seems like Willy and I weren't the only ones staying warm this winter.  hehe

And here is the St. Patrick's Day gift the kids helped make for the teachers this year.  This will be my first Pinterest upload.  I combined a couple ideas and got this!

 Now for circus stuff.  Ethan has spent the last three weeks or so asking to go to the circus.  There were several times when he would walk around singing the song from the commercial.  Cute kid.  Well, we decided that since he had never been that we would go on one of the hospital nights (1/2 price).  We had a great time!  Although Ethan really wasn't digging the clowns much.

This is a picture of the trampoline act.  Makes me grateful to not have a trampoline in my backyard.  I am pretty sure my boys would be out there attempting some of these acts.

Ethan cracking up at the wind-up toy act.  This one is one of my favorites!

Colton looking amazed at something, can't remember when I took this.

No circus post is complete without elephant pictures.    These elephants are potty trained.  Seriously! They stand over a bucket and pee into it. Cracks me up!!

The night was really alot of fun.  Although we could have done without the smoke machines.  They messed up pictures, and really screwed with my allergies.  But fun was definitely had by all!!



This morning, the boys woke up to this.  They managed to crawl under it with out breaking it all apart.  They came running in, telling us, "You have to come see this!!!"  They figured the leprechaun set a trap for them.



They then headed downstairs.  When we got to the door at the bottom, Colton hushed us so we can see if we had caught him in the trap he made at school.  He was shocked to see the footprints and that all the gold coins were gone!





 But he left a clue.  The boys were super excited about going on a scavenger hunt.  And they were really good at figuring out the clues.  Wish my mind worked as well first thing in the morning.

The clues even led them outside.  Notice how it is still dark out.  My boys are early risers.

In the end, they found treasure!  The leprechaun even left a green rubber ducky for Baby Cinco.  Of course, Snickers assumed it was for him so it's put up.

Hope everyone has a great St. Patrick's Day!!!!

11 Week Appt

Well, my 11 weeks appt was today.  And it was a good one.  I listened to Cinco's heartbeat this morning before I left, which made the 10 minute baby hunt in the office a lot less stressful.  My baby is spunky and moves alot.  She/he also swims away from the doppler.  It was really nice not panicking while W tried to find it.  Once she did find it, 173!!!! Go baby go!

It was almost surreal walking into the office today.  Over the past 21 months, I've seen happy, pregnant women walking into that elevator for their appts.  (The boy's dr is in the same building) I have dreamed so much of doing the same.  Feeling that excitement.  This morning, it was just fabulous.  I am one of those women.  But I am very much aware of the other women around me.  I know that one of them could be going through a tough time, looking at me, longing for the same happiness.  Being on this side is definitely different.

Dr L said everything looks great.  We'll find out in May boy or girl.  8 weeks away.  Less than 2 weeks until I say hello to the second trimester!!!!  We talked some placental posititoning, since it makes me nervous not knowing where it is right now.  She said that even if we were to see it low, it would likely move higher, and unless there are symptoms of it being low (spotting) that she would rather not worry me now about it.

And here's a surprise.  She's encouraging me to have a VBAC.  She was actually shocked that I had decided to have a repeat c-section.  She said that I am a great candidate for one.  She even said that Dr. M (who delivered Lucas and Caleb) made it a point to let her know the incicsion was low and transverse so that a VBAC would be possible.  She also said the chance for uterine rupture is .8% and even less since I've had two prior vaginal deliveries.  She asked thatt Willy and I talk about it some and really consider it.  Crazy, since many doctors won't even consider doing one.  I have to admit, I like the idea.  I really  (I'm sick I know) enjoyed labor and delivery with Colton and Ethan.  It was wonderful feeling my body do what it was supposed to do.  And being able to bond with my baby immediately, that's just priceless.  What really holds me back, other than the risks, is can I emotionally go through labor with this baby.  Will that .8% chance have a tight grip on me through labor?  I have a lot to pray and think about.

Well, that's it for the appt.  We took the boys to the circus last night, and I hope to get some pictures up tomorrow or so.

11 Weeks!!!!

Baby Size: 1 1/2 inches!!!  (size of fig)

Weight Gain: 3 lbs

How I feel: Pretty good on sunny days.  Cloudy days find me doing pretty rough.

Symptoms: Heartburn and I am twice at night to go to the bathroom.  The second time I get up, I usually am up for an hour or more.  I also find it hard to take a deep breath, or even catch my breath.

Favorite Food: Aldi's animal crackers and Crystal Light packs

Best Part of Last Week: Feeling well enough to get my house caught up.  And finally being able to record Cinco's heartbeat.  YAY!!  Plus, I got to have dinner with two great friends I really don't see often enough. 

Looking forward to: My appointment with my OB on Thursday....hopefully will be taken off pelvic rest.

I am feeling pretty good today.  Of course the two naps yesterday helped I am sure.  Plus the boys are sleeping an hour later, thank you daylight savings!  I am trying a new housework schedule this week that I found on Pinterest.  Looks like something I pretty much do already, it's just written down. 

It is supposed to be in the 70's and 80's all week this week.  I am hoping this weather helps me continue to feel well.  There are so many things I want to get done around here.  We are getting into our busy season with activities and parties, and I don't want to have to be running around trying to get things done. 

It really feels good to be at 11 weeks.  Getting to 13 weeks has been my big goal the past couple of weeks.  I can see it on the calendar, and that is fabulous!  Each week we reach just seems bigger and bigger.  I see some of my other friends reach 14 weeks, 17 weeks (Yay Dana!) and I just get goosebumps.  It is so exciting to see them there, and to know that I am on my way!

I will end this with a "video" of listening to Cinco's heartbeat.  I went three days without hearing it, and was very excited to find it easily last night twice.  When I heard it so clearly, I decided to get up and grab the camera.  And to find it again, was simply wonderful!

Sharing With You, Baby

My sweet Cinco,

First, thank you Tessa, for your latest post.  So much has resonated with me.  Especially this, " All the times we danced with you and made sure you knew about all the truly important things in life like how to make the best chocolate chip cookies and how much dough you could sneak and eat before your tummy hurts or mommy freaks out. :-) "  Oh how these words have sat with me the past couple of days.

I feel like I've been in a rut, sweet baby.  I'm feeling better, getting more done, and enjoying some of the weather.  But I'm not fully sharing them all with you, as I really wanted to.  There's been some emotional frustration (thank you hormones) and maybe a little anger hanging around here and there.  And although it has probably little to do with our family, it still gets to me.  And I realized tonight, I don't want you to know anger and frustration.  I want you to know sillyness, happiness, and love. 

Since losing Lucas and Caleb, I have truly realized how precious each and every day is. Unfortunately, I sometimes get wrapped up in day to day stuff and forget.  I know everyone does.  I am going to try and hold onto this more.  With you, with Colton and Ethan, and with your Daddy.  It's time to appreciate the small stuff again, and enjoy every moment.

I made chocolate chip cookies tonight, and struggled on not trying the cookie dough.  The struggle that if something happens, will I blame myself for eating the cookie dough.  I weighed it, thought about all the great things I want you to know, and decided to pass this time.  But I have set a new goal of sharing something wonderful with you each and every day.  I will keep track for you in your journal.  And I look forward to sharing them with you one day when you are grown.

I love you, baby. 



10 Weeks, Baby!!

Baby Size: Just over an  inch (size of kumquat?)

Weight Gain: 2.5 lbs.

How I feel: About the same as last week.  The heartburn and reflux is beginning to kick in. 

Symptoms: No new ones other than heartburn and reflux.  Nothing has disappeared.

Favorite Food: Carrots and French Onion Dip, Salted Pretzels

Best part of last week: Hearing Cinco's heartbeat three times, and it being louder each time, for longer periods of time.  Love, love, love that sound!!

Looking forward to: Shopping for more maternity shirts since my non-maternity ones aren't really working at all.

I'm not doing as well writing on here as I would like.  There are so many things happening and I need to be better about sharing.  My goal for this next week is 3 posts here and 1 on the Among the Circle site.  I know I can do it!! 

I love being at 10 weeks.  It seems so much closer to 13 weeks....double digits, yay!!  I am so ready to reach that milestone.  I have had some more blissful moments this week.  Just some pure joy for this baby.  I am feeling more positive about things, though the fear creeps in once in awhile.  I am sure it will until Cinco is safe, alive, and snuggling in my arms in September. 

Next week I'll start posting some belly pictures....maybe later this week.  We've taken a few, just haven't loaded them off my camera yet.  But baby is definitely growing in there.  I have small regrets that I got rid of many of my older clothes when I lost all the weight.  Some of those shirts could definitely come in handy right about now.  I am planning on buying a few shirts later this week at a couple sales.
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Yesterday I had a visit with grief at church.  The worship team sang Chris Tomlin's Amazing Grace and the tears just poured.  I sat in the back and looked at the row of chairs I sat in 21 months ago.  When Carmen and Kristie sang the most beauiful Amazing Grace, and Willy and sat there holding each other grieving for our sweet boys.  I can hear that song anywhere and I enjoy it.  But I hear it in church, even the new version, and my heart just breaks all over again.  The pain will always be there, and as much hope and healing that Cinco will bring, the yearning for my Lucas and Caleb will never go away.  I know this, and am at peace with it.  I just hope that others will respect it also.