***Newborn mentioned in last paragraph***
So, I know I have been kind of absent in many aspects of my new life, lately. I'm not writing so much anymore, I keep getting behind on my Pictures of the Day, and I haven't been communicating like I normally do with my BLM friends. I miss everyone of you. And think of every one of you everyday.
We have so much going on right now. Mentally and physically I am constantly on the move. The house is coming along great, but there is just so much to do. I am also trying to completely re-organize my life. The past couple of weeks I have felt so overwhelmed it was getting kind of scary. I love ALL the different projects I am doing and have going on, and I know that I can handle it all. I just really needed to figure out a way to organize it all so I don't forget anything. And I think I have and am crazy excited about it.
With all of this going on, I have been doing wonderfully, emotionally. I haven't had a complete meltdown (Stage 4 as a fellow BLM has called it) in almost 3 weeks! This is fabulous...most of the time. Although I really enjoy being able to enjoy life, I am waiting for the ball to drop at any time. Every night when I go to bed I wonder if tomorrow will be the day. And every morning I wake up feeling just as wonderful as the day before. In a weird sort of way I miss crying for Lucas and Caleb once in awhile. I still have the random tears, and they must be just enough to keep it all from building up.
I also want to mention that I held my first newborn baby boy on Friday. Baby Porter was born on Thursday a healthy 9lbs 8 oz! He is beautiful! There were four of us girls at church who were all pregnant together in the spring. Three of us were due within a week of each other. Pretty cool stuff at the time. After the twins were born, I kind of dreaded the entire month of September. Knowing that healthy babies would be born and mine would be missing. I just knew I would think of the twins every time I saw one of the babies. And I honestly believed I wouldn't be able to hold any of them for months without breaking down into tears. And yet, here I was holding Porter, grinning and just embracing the greatness of a healthy baby. I feel it's time to be around healthy babies. I need the positiveness to give me the strength to TTC again and not be scared the whole time. Thank you Brad and Nickie for letting me hold him and rock him. It meant so much!
I hope that my strength and growth and progress on my journey gives some of my BLM friends some strength and hope, also. I know some of you are hurting immensely right now, and I am so sorry for that. Know that even though I may seem distant, I am still here for you and thinking and praying for all of you!
With much love,