Saturday, November 13, 2010

A Gloomy Post on a Gloomy Day

Well, it's cloudy and chilly outside. The boys are playing upstairs. And Willy is out hunting. My goal was to get a lot done around the house today, but I just can't get motivated. So I'm gonna write a post adn maybe I'll feel better to get my house together. So here's what weighing on my mind this true November day.

This little boy is my Ethan. I love him so much. He is smart, loving, and cute as ever. He is also stubborn and ornery, which is true to his genetic nature. He makes every day an adventure and fills our world with laughter.

But he is turning three. The threes are the hardest year Willy and I have parented through. Colton's taught us so much. And Ethan's are going to turn me grey. Don't get me wrong, this kid is a very good boy. But he is quick off the mark and his willpower is great! We are going to have to get creative this year.

It's not Ethan turning three that is giving me a hard time lately. It's that fact that he is turning three and I don't have the added work of twin baby boys. For 14 weeks I thought about how this year was going to be quite interesting with twin babies and a three year old. I knew it was going to be a challenge. But so many people told me that if anyone could do it, Willy and I could. And now we can't! How sucky! We were ready to face and embrace this challenge. And as I was thinking about how Ethan's threes were going to be interesting, I was also thinking about how it would just prepare us for double threes. Bummer!

I am really missing Lucas and Caleb lately. It's not the all day longing anymore. It's the random thoughts here and there. Sometimes they just creep in and out, almost unnoticed. Other times they come crashing in, throwing everything around and turning it all upside down. I still glance at that spot where the pack 'n play used to sit and think that they should be in there, taking a nap. I think that image/thought sticks around the most because I dreamed of them lying next to each other in there one night while I was pregnant with them.

So this is still really sucking. As it always will. I am super excited about the holidays. I thank God for Colton and Ethan. But there are going to be some hard moments. And I am really thinking the season is bringing about more sensitivity.

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  1. Ethan is so cute. I know it isn't the same as being a parent, but I used to baby all the time as a teenager and I always found the 3 year olds the hardest. It's amazing how everything can trigger the longing and the sadness for our lost babies. Today I was working in the kitchen and looked at the table and imagined how Jacob should have been sitting in a little seat on the table as I worked.

    Have fun at Ethan's birthday party! I just love the idea of having it at the fire station! I'm looking forward to seeing pictures.


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