Wednesday, November 17, 2010

The Knot

Last night I was at one of our MOPS mentor's home for a Christmas Card Addressing Party. Most of us didn't address any, though. We really had a great time just visiting and getting to know each other better. And I have to mention all the wonderful treats and Jill's fabulous spiced tea.

We decided we would try out the human knot activity we might be doing during a future meeting. 10 of stood in a circle and took hands, and the fun began. As we were trying to untangle ourselves, I couldn't help but think how much grief is like a human knot.

In the beginning, your emotions are tangled and you feel lost as to the next step. You're in the middle of a huge mess. And just like how you can't let go of your partners' hands in the knot, you can't let go of anyone or anything close and dear to you. You hold them tight.

And as your friends and family surround you, you start to untangle a bit. One slow step at a time. At first the steps seem calculated, you're not sure if it is the right step or not. Should I get out of bed? Should I take a shower? Should I attempt leaving the house? And if you take the wrong step, you go back and start over. There were many mornings when I went back to bed because I wasn't quite ready to face the day.

After awhile, you start to get the hang of things. You know which way to go more often and you feel more confident in every day decisions. And you don't feel so tangled up in the grief. You can see through the mess that things are straightening out some. Your path begins to get clearer with every step you take.

Eventually you reach your new normal. And you still have your friends and family surrounding you, supporting you. Together all of you made it through this mess. You couldn't have done it by yourself. The grieving process is very much a group project. Sometimes you can be in charge and at other times, someone else takes the lead for awhile.

In the end you find some peacefulness and some freedom. But there is no way I would have arrived at the point alone.

This was taken on the way home. The fog under the lights was just beautiful.

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