Really Losing It

*Whine warning: This post contains alot of complaining*

I give up. I thought Monday was the day of grief for me. Boy was I ever wrong. So here's all of it.

I have had a cough for going on FOUR weeks now. And it's not just a little cough, we're talking cough so hard you might (and have) throw up. And since I've vaginally delivered two babies, I tend to wet some when I get to coughing hard enough. Last weekend the drainage started. So now my nose is raw and I am coughing, trying to get up what just won't come up. I have triend EVERYTHING under the sun and nothing really works. I have an appt at 1:30 today and will hopefully be on the up. This has really been wearing me down.

Colton has pink eye, in both eyes. Last week was spring break, and with the pink eye, he couldn't go back to school yesterday. Plus, we couldn't really go anywhere for them to play. The boys need a break from each other and I really need to get back into some kind of routine. They are getting along for the most part, but cabin fever is starting to set in. And I honestly am so tired about being told to cough into my elbow. 29+ years of coughing in my hand is a hard habit to break. I love that Colton is so aware about spreading germs, but in my current state, I am frustrated.

A good friend lost her husband on Sunday. She has twin 2 year old boys and a 1 year old baby girl. Say a prayer for her and her babes. Grief is grief and it really sucks and is hard to do. She has some really hard days, months, years ahead of her.

Yesterday was the one year anniversary of Rhonda's baby girls' births and departure. She is such an amazing person and I truly hate that she has had to go through this, also. This has hit me hard. And I feel selfish that I'm having a hard time. But it really hits home how close to that one year we are. It hurts.

Oh, and let's not forget that Mediacom SUCKS butt!!! My phone connection is intermittent. My phone calls are often disconnected and I'll lose service for 5-10 minutes. They've been out here numerous times, sent out linemen, and yet there are still problems. Just the cherry on top today!

And there is more to all this AHHHH, but I really need to stop here. My chest hurts and I need to get some things taken care of before my appt later. Willy is going to come home later to watch the boys. I might take an extra half hour or so for me on the way home. I know that things will get better. But for right now it's pretty dark around here. I truly hate grief and all it has brought to my family. I hate who it turns me into when it's the heaviest.

Update: I have an "intense case of bronchitis" Should be feeling better by tomorrow and the cough will go away in a couple weeks.