There has been alot that I have learned in the past 19 months. Learning seems to be a constant process with grief.
Today has been a hard day. Grief found its opening and barrelled its way through. I thought I could fend it off for a little while, but the more I fought, the more I lost. And I have to say I learned today that Lucas and Caleb are never too far away. Their births and deaths will never be too long ago. For anyone who is 6 months, a year, a year and a half out, please please know this to be true. It will always be okay for you to miss your babies, for you to have days when the pain is raw and you feel frustrated with it all.
I am so very grateful for all the friends I have been blessed with. The friends who don't tell me I should get over it, it's been almost two years. The friends who encourage me to let the tears fall and who shower me with as much love and support as they did 19 months ago. They help me realize that it is okay to still feel this incredible pain. They welcome me to share it. I really don't know how different I would be if it weren't for the amazing people I am surrounded by.
Thank you, all of you!