Monday, January 10, 2011

Beads 1 and 2

Here I am, getting started on this project. It's been a LONG weekend, and I hate that this had to wait until now. But it's worth the wait.

I think I am going to pull out different passages that I come across that really reach out to me. I want to share them, then share how I relate to them. Since I'm not the one in this house with the writing degree, it may take a few weeks (or more) to get a good rythm going.

I opened the book and the fourth paragraph mentioned twins. Giovanni and Dario are identical twin brothers. I rolled my eyes, looked up, and asked, "Really? Is this how this journey starts?" Not that them being twin brothers really has much of anything to do with the story, it's just not what I expected. The movie never hinted at this. (Giovanni is the one teaching her Italian while in Italy.)

On page 7, she speaks about her age how old she feels.

"...loss upon loss left me feeling sad and brittle and about seven hundred years old." How true this really is. Those days that I cry so hard, I feel much older than I really am. I feel tired and haggard, like every once of energy has been drained from me.

"I am alone, I am all alone, I am completely alone." p9 I don't feel alone as often these days. In the beginning, before finding the baby-loss community, I felt completely alone.

And this one on page 10, we have all been here.

"I was hiding in the bathroom...I was sobbing. Sobbing so hard, in fact, that a great lake of tears and snot was spreading before me on the bathroom tiles." I am sure I have made that lake of tears on the floor of every room of our house. And many of us moms have hid those tears at times from our husbands, our children, or other family and friends.

"The only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying; the only thing more impossible than staying was leaving." p.12 I know she is talking about her marriage and her husband, but this is how I felt when I was at the hospital. I didn't want to leave, because it meant leaving without my babies; I didn't want to stay because I was surrounded by the reminder that all this had really happened to us. It was a really hard emotional tug-of-war to pack up and leave the hospital. I remember telling Dr. L. that morning that I didn't want to go home yet. I was afraid of leaving. It wasn't until after Rebecca came in and talked with Willy and I that I was ready to leave. And I wanted out right then.

So, there are Beads 1 and 2. I'm really not sure how to eloquently wrap this up. These first couple of Beads were short and gave a basic foundation for the rest of the book. The next couple of Beads speak of faith and I am ready to dive in to those next week.

I am interested in how you all relate to some of these passages. Which ones really strike you familiar and how?

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1 comment:

  1. Carrie -

    The quote - "The only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying; the only thing more impossible than staying was leaving." Perfectly describes the tug of war I consistently experience as the mom of an angel and an earth baby.
    Thank you for sharing. I look forward to reading more.



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