Monday, January 24, 2011

Rainbows are in Bloom and a little on faith

WOW!!! I know what many of you were doing through the holidays!!!! Hehe! There have been an insane number of pregnancy announcements over the past week. Plus a few birth announcements. And I am excited for each and every one of you! For many of you, you are expecting your first Earth Baby(ies). Yes, one is expecting twins. And although it was difficult the first couple of days, I am truly thrilled for her and her husband. They have been through so much losing their first daughter and battling infertility, that this is truly a blessing for them. And I won't forget Bailey's mom and dad who are beginning their adoption journey!

So, I am in the process of moving several blogs to the left side of the page. Pretty soon there will be more over there than on the right. And that's a really great thing. For those of you who have lost recently, these blogs, these women give us all hope. Hope for future rainbows, hope for brighter days, and hope for our new normal. I love how all these women have continued to blog through their journeys and I look forward to the same.

On a different note, yesterday morning was a tough one for me. It started out pretty good, then at church, I broke. More like shattered, really. It seems like I do a lot of crying there lately. But it's a very safe place to cry. And here is the verse that brought on the tears. It is David's response when he is asked why he is acting as he is after learning his son has passed.

"Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me." (II Samuel 12:22)

When B shared this in telling her testimony, it hit me especially hard. I know I am not the only one who has spent numerous hours and days wanting my baby boys back. But upon hearing this, it really made sense. I need to quit wishing them back and concentrate on making sure I will see them again. They will be there waiting for me. We will all be reunited as a family one day. And I will have the chance to raise them, and be the mommy to twin boys. I cannot tell you the peace I now feel.

There are so many at Life Fellowship that I want to thank for their prayers, words, hugs, and tears. I know my grief is not just mine. It feels as though with each prayer, each hug, each kind word, and each tear, that you take a piece of my grief and carry it for me for awhile. So many thanks to all of you!

So I feel as though I am surfacing from my rut. I've been reminded of what my goals should be, and how I should re-prioritize. There are times when, through my grief, I put on blinders and forget these things. It's easy to get all wound up in missing what I've lost. But my job here is far from done. And there are great and amazing things in my future. And I know that no matter how bad I want something, that it may not be the right time. And I have to put all my trust in that.

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