ToDAY

This Tuesday, a year ago started out normal enough. I woke up, ate breakfast with Willy and the boys and took my post on the couch. Dru called late morning to see if I wanted to get the boys out of the house for awhile, and I quickly agreed. She came by, picked us up, and we headed to McDonalds for some lunch and play. The boys played while Dru and I sat and visited.

We then headed to Wal-Mart so we could pick up a few things. She convinced me I needed to ride one of the chair carts. I found one and LOVED it! It was really fun to zoom around and I could move faster. She took the boys over to grocery while I looked for some new gym shorts to wear. I accidentally bumped another lady's cart and we talked for a few about Lucas and Caleb and Colton and Ethan. The trip wasn't very long and I was beginning to tire.

We came home, and I put the boys down for a nap. Dru headed back to her house and I reclined back on the couch for some quiet time. At about 2:15 I started to feel contractions again. They were coming every 5 minutes or so and lasting about 45-60 seconds. I watched them for an hour and a half and decided to call my dr. They recommended me to come in and be checked.

I called Dru and waited for her and Willy to arrive. I packed the boys' suitcase and just prayed for everything to be okay.

When we arrived at Labor and Delivery, there were comments about how big I was, and my weigh was noted. The first time in my life I was over 200lbs! I laid down, and they played hide-and-seek with Lucas and Caleb. They hooked me up to a monitor to record the contractions. After a few hours they decided to keep me overnight for monitoring, but felt confident they were only Braxton Hicks.

The night was long, neither Willy or I slept much. Nurses were in and out. We learned if I stayed off my back, the BH would subside for awhile. The nurses spent over 45 minutes that morning trying to get both Lucas and Caleb's heartrates at the same time. We laughed so much. My boys had personality. Dr. L. came in Wednesday morning and said they were BH and to just take it really easy. She said both sacs had extra fluid and that my uterus was irritated, causing the BH.

I left knowing the next 13 weeks would be tough, but confident we would make it through it. Afterall, I had two beautiful babies growing inside of me.

I came downstairs this morning to that scent that was here last Tuesday. It only hangs around for 30 seconds or so, but it brings deja-vu. A week from today we arrive at Lucas' angelversary. I am sure Monday will seem more like the day than Tuesday, as that is the way it is so far. I am trying to pack full my schedule so I don't have to debate what the boys and I are going to do. I feel worn out, would much rather lie on the couch and do absolutely nothing. But that is pretty close to what I was doing this time last year. And I don't want that either.

This all hurts. I think it is more than enough that we have to live through this once. Now having to re-live it all just plain sucks. I hate it all and this next week is for the birds. I know the time will pass and I will make it through, just as everyone before me has. But that doesn't make the pain any less.